Before my Aunt Bertha left for Alaska on the mission to steal Hotty Toddy Paladin from the GOP V.P. candidate (although in her last smoke signal she announces that she may now shift her sights on one Leon Johnstone, the young and frisky, very handsome and strong farm boy fiance’ of Pistol, the young and innocent non-frisky, well-educated, sexually-abstaining daughter of the Paladins), she advised us to continue viewing Just The Facts of Life on our local educational television network, CPM (the Christianly People Media) on Channel 21 each Sunday morning divinely between 10:30 and 11:00 A.D. So, in following her spiritual guidance, our entire family (except for Gramps Grumpa and Uncle Rusty, who are gradually becoming atheit-tic in their unGodly walk in life, chosing to instead watch from afar – outside on the backyard patio – drinking beer and smoking cigars while discussing trivial un-newsworthy, non-biblical EVIL matters such as current events and politics, science and science fiction, and peace without war – or as Granny Gumption calls it – FREAKIN’ FANTASY) sits down in front of our 101-inch TV after returning from Sunday-morning Massive at our beloved Pastor Steve’s Church of the Late Gate – (see recent photo below of Massive ceremony illuminating SAVED and counseled sexual-crisis issue victims honoring Pastor Steve’s crusading exploits):
This morning, we found ourselves entranced as this episode of Just The Facts of Life cranked it up a notch.  Today’s show (surely to be an emmy-award nominated one) was about a series of mysterious children’s books, created by a non-patisan, humble yet Christian, non-self-promoting professional SD home-grown team of writers and artists who travel across this beloved state of SD in a journey of searching for actual and factual evidence – unique to South Dakota not found anywhere else on the planet – on the mission to locate items that differentiate our state from all other crappy states – thus, once again proving that we do indeed live in the land of divine and infinite variety.
This TV program explained to us that our beloved SD has special items and rare artifacts such as rocks (see photo below), trees, and corn. Â
What a perfect utopian state of society we live in! Get out there and buy up these wonderful Christianly SD factual mysterious books to celebrate Christmas and to continue our beloved President Bush’s call to stimulate our minds and help continue the GOP’s strong economy as well stimulating the economy of the book’s creators so they can create more mysterious SD factual books.
God Bless all Mid-west GOP-voting loyalist Americans who create such SD factual books and quality SD factual TV programming!
Sincerely,
EggBert Tibe. Fran. Icha. Goof.and most family members and neighbors
Though it was shameless self promotion, I will give Jason props on this, he is a good illustrator and it’s a nice fit for him – we all know he wasn’t very lucky in his last venture.
As for the writer’s of the book, Volk and Meirhenry (Mr. stare at people at Lucinda Williams concerts until they are repulsed), may I suggest a new title for them to explore “The mystery of Measure 9”