Ugly Table #68

What are you? Three years old?

Customer: I will take a salad, only iceberg, dressing on the side.

Me: Only iceberg? Nothing else?

Customer: Yes.

I bring an iceberg wedge slice to his table (this is how our iceberg salads are served).

Customer: Well, you could have cut it up for me.

Me: Sir, in that rolled-up napkin you will find a knife and fork.

And I walked away.

I wanted to say, “Do you need me to cut up your steak for you in little itzy-bitzy bite size pieces to? Maybe we can run your sweet potato thru a blender? Do you need a high chair and a bib?”

Grow up.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/17/12


#1 l3wis on 08.17.12 at 10:14 pm

I forgot to mention, that when I went to the table to greet them and take their drink order they told me they placed it with the host.

Some people really don’t understand the concept of ‘eating out.’

Stay home, please.

#2 Big Guy on 08.18.12 at 2:23 am

I want my salad to be 1/4 of a head of cabbage at 36 degree Fahrenheit, a couple shreds of extra sharp cheddar, 3 pieces of carrot cut triangularly, 7 crumbs of fake bacon bits, 1 large and 1 small croutons each sourdough and rye, 1 1/2 tablespoons of Ranch dressing and 3/4oz of shelled and salted sunflower seeds…

Too specific? I can imagine you giving me the stinky-eye 🙂 Nah, more likely you will point me the way to the exit door. LOL

#3 Guest Poster on 08.18.12 at 8:17 am

Should have brought him a child’s bib

#4 Beer Jew on 08.18.12 at 4:20 pm

I want my salad to be whatever lettuce you have with maybe some tomatoes and Thousand island in a small bowl. I didn’t come to eat no hippy salad. Bring on the meat!

“……Eat a New York cut, hot of the griiiiillllllllll !”

#5 Reader on 08.18.12 at 4:23 pm

“Open the hangar. Here comes the airplane! Good boy! Good boy! Ready for another bite? My goodness! You sure are a good salad eater! Now, if you if you eat everything on your plate, we’ll get you some ice cream – vanilla – your favorite!”

So, now I finally understand what a full-service restaurant is.

#6 Reader on 08.18.12 at 5:39 pm

Question and a Suggestion:

Did you get a tip from that guy?

You should consider publishing the Ugly Table as a coffee table book, complete with illustrations.

#7 l3wis on 08.18.12 at 9:59 pm

I did get a tip, what I expected from the beginning – 10%. I don’t really care. When you come to eat at a franchise restaurant and you are paying $9.99 for a steak with 2 sides, don’t expect us to roll out the red freaking carpet for you. It’s lettuce, cut it up with a knife and STFU.

#8 scott on 08.19.12 at 8:54 am

to me, a wedge of lettuce is just that. it’s not a salad. but i wouldn’t think of asking to have it cut into bite size pieces though.

Leave a Comment