What will be the (tribal land) repercussions of legalizing pot?

By Canby Huka, for Southdacola.com

While the Flandreau and Brookings police and the attorney general have been telling us about all the (criminal) ills of marijuana legalization on tribal land, I was curious if anyone with the tribe had concerns about what they were doing and any changes they would make when having a bunch of stoners wondering their campus.

I spoke with the tribes’ Robert Left Handed Pipe, he is in charge of monitoring the affect the marijuana use will have on visitors.

“I think one of our biggest concerns is whether or not we can still have all you can eat crab legs at the casino anymore. You, know, the ocean called, they want their crab legs back!”

Besides the binge eating, I asked him about the concerns of law enforcement that these people will be driving after toking up.

“Well you know Canby, we actually kind of got a chuckle out of that one. I guess the way I look at it, if you can’t even get the keys in the ignition of your car, it’s gonna be kind of hard to drive away. Our stuff is that good.”

So I asked Robert what kind of entertainment was going to be provided at the ‘smoker’s lounge’?

“We are using the bowling alley for our smoking lounge, so we intend to keep it as a bowling alley, think Big Lebowski, but without the White Russians. We are going to call it ‘Bowls & Bowling’.”

Robert also told me about other pre-cautions they will be taking including a Visine station at the exit and a booth for people who get paranoid and have an anxiety attack.

“We are going to put an interesting twist on it, it’s going to be a money booth similar to the casino, we figured if these people are freaking out, they might as well have fun with it, oh, and helmets will be provided.”

So while the regional law enforcement may have concerns about the tribal consumption of marijuana, the tribe is implementing their own precautions. Which left to my last question about the attorney general’s opinion that non-tribal members will not be able to purchase and consume the product on tribal land.

“We pretty much disagree with AG Jackboots on that opinion. In fact, we sent a letter to him expressing our dissatisfaction in his beliefs.”

I wondered how Jackboots took the letter, Robert responded, “Not sure, we signed it ‘Gueux Fukihannas Yulu’.” Which translates from Lakota to ‘Go F**k Yourself’.

Like the Attorney General’s concern over pot on tribal land in Flandreau, this article is also a joke.