Mayor Mike attempts to announce for governor at pet store ribbon cutting*

Stop Monkeying around, running for Governor is serious business

In case you missed the ribbon cutting this Saturday at a local new pet store on the eastside, the Mayor made an attempt to announce his run for governor at a Chamber ribbon cutting.

Mike showed up in full suit and tie, even in the almost 100 degree heat it didn’t seem to phase him. He quickly started glad handing and telling everyone he had a very important speech to give during the ribbon cutting. The store manager reluctantly said it would be okay for him to say a few words. Shortly before the cutting, Mike was seen in the cat food aisle looking over a 3-ring binder that had ‘Hildebrand Strategies’ on the spine.

He confessed to one of the Chamber diplomats that he was planning to make a big political announcement about running for higher office (we can only assume that would be governor).

After about 30 minutes passed by and it was clear there wouldn’t be many more people coming to the event besides a lady with seven cats and a guy who smelled like kitty litter, the store manager cut the ribbon (forgetting Huether wanted to speak who couldn’t be found anywhere).

After the short presentation a very small crowd gathered around a cake shaped like a dog bone and Mike appeared frantically, sweating at the brow. He declared, “Is it over?! Is it over?!” The store manager apologized to Mike telling him he thought he may have left. “NO! I wanted to announce I was running for governor at your special event! I stepped out for a moment to your maintenance room to adjust the AC thermostat, it’s hotter than Hell in here.”

The manager apologized again and handed Mike a coupon for 50% off a grooming and said, “Maybe next time.”

*This story is a joke, and parts of the event described did not happen . . . well . . . ‘some’ of it didn’t happen.


#1 scott on 07.17.17 at 6:48 pm

i would guess the free cake part at the end didn’t happen.

#2 The D@ily Spin on 07.17.17 at 6:54 pm

The disrespected oligarch should stick to ‘Hearing Aid & Senile’ appearances at rest homes. There, he still gets attention if he buys cat food lunch for the residents.

#3 l3wis on 07.17.17 at 8:47 pm

scott, good guess 🙂

#4 possum jenkins the third on 07.18.17 at 5:16 am

rich goofballs with funny hats
and even funnier grifting/thought

bestow unto all of them the golden shovels for groundbreaking
and ghetto oversized scissors for ribbon cutting

a pox unto their families
damn,sorry harsh

obg iaal

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