Search Results for 'eggbert' ↓

Eggbert – where have you been?

Not sure if you remember South DaCola columnist, Eggbert, but it seems he stole his moniker;

Crazy Old Skool racing crashes (H/T – Eggbert)

This video is pretty wild. YES, that is a man flying through the air on the below screenshot. Heavy Bummin’!

OPEN THREAD: FRICKIN’ RED SHIRTS! (H/T – Eggbert)

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Eggbert: Dear fellow BIN Floggers

re: Lewis & Clark water pipeline meeting yields little

My neighbors, Ed, Ned, Jed, and Creamy Nugent have a whoppin’ sixty-nine “Build It Nowadays” signs duct-taped all over the outside of their beautiful, newly remodeled 6 and 1/2-story Ranch trailer house, and while suckin’ down BEERskies, smokin’ pipe and leanin’ on each other out at the back fence between our backyards, they reminded me and my family (including ones who live at home, are once removed, extended, ex, incestuous, half, disabled, twice removed, divorced, step, ignorant, cousinly, Christian and even non-Christian Uncle Rusty) to vote to “Build It Nowadays” on Tuesday, November 8th because the Nugents believe that drinkin’ BEERskies at the soon-to-be $200 million dollar fun-center  - watchin’ intelligent and manly men throwin’ a ball into a basket, goal, or net, and godly saints singin’ real pretty on stage  - all while we fall down drunk is much, much more important than even considering spending $200 million on an idiotic, liberal plan to provide obsolete liquid (water – really??? – YUCKY!!!) for 300,000 Sioux Falls area H2O-hoardin’ locals just to keep our tingly body parts moist when BEERskies do the same job. Goodness Gracious, Grampappy Grumpy, what the Hell are ya thinkin’?

Even Granny Gumption knows you can better lube up the ‘ole goofy-golf genitalia holes with MooseHead!

P.I.S.S. – We also don’t need your ignoramusly “old fart” advice on using our cool, hard-earned city/taxpayer money ($200 Million) on wasteful-spending ideas for upgrades to our city’s sewers, roads, parks, police, or fire dept., etc.  So, Gramps, go sit out front in your crappy lawn with your illegal cherry bombs, watch and listen to the cars bounce in and out of potholes, and stick your sewage backup spunk up your butt and shut it the Hell up. Also, be sure to pick up another 3 MooseHead kegs for the weekend – one for Granny, one for Creamy, and one for the rest of us lovable lubers…

Sincerely,

EggBert and family, Nugent neighbors, and fellow Right-wingin’ poor BEERskie-drinkin’ Christians with multitudes of “Built It Nowadays” signs up their whazoooooos’ -

 

Eggbert: Dear Fellow Fair Ground Goers

Aaaahhhhhhhh. Looking through our Nugent Neighbor’s Family Photo Album (SEE BELOW), we even figured out enough how to use the internets and located some of our favorite website stories on our iconic and most-beloved, most-respected, most-amazing, most-adored, most-idolized, most-peaceful, most-manly, most-conservative, most-humane, most-normalized, most-helpful, most-sane, most-Christian, and most-intelligentest person on the planet  – who just happened to perform an inspiring FREE as in FREEDOM concert last night at our wonderful city Fair Ground.

Yes, it is, and always will be, Ned’s, Jed’s, and Creamy’s Step-(Bastardly)2nd half-Cousin In-law, thrice removed…THEE EDDDIE NUGENT(“THE NUGG-BUGG” for short)!!!

With the EggBert Family, Neighbor Nugents, and THE NUGG-BUGG in town together at the same time, you better watch your backs, you liberal hippie-honkers, or you’ll libel to get sucked on by a tiger penis, shot in the crotch by a Zebra plastic bullet pellet gun, poked in the eye by the fish-hook on a Zebco fishing pole’s fishing line (or even possibly tragically killed accidentally by The NUGG BUGG’s weapon of choice – TV’s Ronco Pocket Fisherman, like when Creamy Nugent’s ex-boyfriend, Zip ZipperFish, lost his precious life when he mistook one for a Monster in His Pocket and rubbed it in the wrong way), or scared off by a Moslem-hating Tea partying dude dressed up in an Uncle Sam suit or President O’Bummer or something…

Sincerely,

EggBert, along with THE NUGG-BUGG and regular Nugent Neighbors, who we’ve been recently partying it up late each night with  - doing such macho, Republican and capitalistic things like hunting for road-kill in the dark, catching various non-edible varmints between our legs in a backwards and upside down crabwalk-like walk, roasting them all up on an open fire, spitting up the hairy parts, puking up the toenail parts, swallowing the anus parts, then frying it all up once more on a fire lit with their total carcass remains on top of our own freshly made manure coals then eating up the previously spit up and puked up parts – right after Gramps Grumps says meal-time Grace by praying to Christ-Almighty and Granny Gumption marinates it all with her own urinary recipe (what she calls her “cul-urinary expertease”)

 

Sheriff Mack is coming to town (H/T – Eggbert)

Get your anti-federal government partay on! I wonder if WTF Yankton will show up?

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EGGBERT: Weiner seeks leave of absence from House

Dear fellow Floggers:

Regarding this rather unspeakable, Peter-ugly, Democrat-typical, immoral “wiener event,”

With great regret, I am needing to stand up tall, let ‘em hang, and come clean here – (or as Granny Gumption puts it: “Little Egg-Beater – either shape up & show me your clean balls, or ship out!!!!”). It doesn’t matter that I was indeed one of the all-beef, fully HETROSEXUALIZED victims of CongressManly Antonio Weenie, it’s utmost important that he be locked up to never “weiner” anyone in Congress again.  However gender-confused & difficult this somewhat tragic and newsworthy happenpantstance has been, I admit I had a small if not tiny/puny and wee role in this drama-ramma-dingdong.

I am boldly erect in admitting that I unknowingly giggled and twatted the word weiner more than once on a Pubic Library computer during frequent times this past year while performing extensive research into the vast array of “Weenie-Juice Use as either an Antibiotic, Mood stabilizer and/or Sex hormone in the field of Underground Restaurant Management Survival.”

It seems that now it has been openly revealed  - (or as Gramps Grump coins newsflashes of this largeness: “Uncle Johnson has been un-caged and his wild & wooly and/or cute & cuddly Harvey wall-wanger is now out on the prowl”) that CongressManly Antonio Weenie’s magnificent images and sensitive messages were somehow exchanged with me during the heat of these Pubic Library moments. (Tiger growls & rooaaarrrrrrrrs and then sad Puddy-Cat whimpers & meeeeeowwws!!!!!)

Ok, I know that this very more than one scrotum-sided relationship needed to stop anyhew, but unfortunately, without further gentle Twats, funny Face-spaces, Shudderfly-shares, and Teste messages from my honey-bunny, I  realize that my weenie-juice will just up ‘n dry out and my usually wet-William Staunch Republican Egg-White Stoke-Yoke may  just fall over limp ‘n lewd-nude like…

I hope all is well with you and yours, and may God Bless the Republican parts of the USA !!!

Sincerely,

EggBert and his comrade-in-arms/fingers, Private Harvey Tiberious Johnson, Jr.

 

Eggbert is back!

Hello Jello, fellow floggers:

The EggBert family & Nugent neighbors has been busy as of late, digging an abscess tunnel from the deliciously scrotumupmtious Senior Weenie Restaurant to our newly opened up family super stubbie shop, Eggbert & Bertha’s (next to Taco Ball just south of 41st & Lester Ave in the Empire Mold shopping area) and subsequently – having set up, prepared, and opened for business In May to serve the masses of Sewer Falls. Unfortunately, we all passed out at approximately 4AM on July 30th, from what we believe to be caused by Granny Gumption’s Turkey Turd Tart Farts. Well, after we awoke this morning from our dreamy (Creamy’s was steamy) & deep comas, we shared our aroma-coma dreams – except for Uncle Rusty & Grampappy Grumps, who both for some reason actually took soapy bubble-scrubbing baths. Anyhew, it seems our dreams consisted of farfetched news stories of sanitary napkins, tampoms, & poopy toads floating inside our drainage & tunnel basements – and if you can believe this part – the entire EggBert family & Nugent neighbors dreamt that our beloved Mayor Mikey Likes It actually ordered the feces of the entire citizenry of Sewer Falls to be pumped into the Sewer River and also officially advised our town’s swampy inhabitants to NOT USE OUR BLADDERS AND BOWELS FOR DAYS ON END whenever it rains…

Thank God, the Father, and the Holy Jeshuiiiit that this was all just a fake sanitary sewer emergency wet dream, and not a REAL sanitary sewer situation…

However, after further discussion amongst ourselves, we decided to begin hoarding our bowels and bladders just because we want to do what’s right & follow our EggBert family & Nugent neighbor wet dreams…

Sincerely,

EggBert & fellow GOP (Goofenstein’s Outhouse Patrol) bowel & bladder hoarders of America!!!

South DaCola odds and ends

This is from a multitude of emails I have gotten over the past few weeks (H/T- Eggbert), so I am going to try to tie all this shit together.

You can also redesign the bp logo.

The $600 billion challenge

Bill Gates, Melinda Gates, and Warren Buffett are asking the nation’s billionaires to pledge to give at least half their net worth to charity, in their lifetimes or at death. If their campaign succeeds, it could change the face of philanthropy.

Ironic Johnny Thune accepts $5,000 from a pizzeria employee;

Abramoff, Jack Mr.
Washington, DC 20006
Preston Gates Ellis et al/Gov’t Aff
John Thune (R)
Senate – SD
BATTLE BORN CLASSIC COMMITTEE

And for the artist in me a little poetry;

A  SUMMER  DAY

The extra girl
fell off the bicycle

The other
just rode on

Charles Luden
6-15-10
(at Black Sheep)

And let’s finish with some Alaskan news from Sideshow’s mom;

In 1999 we vacationed in Nome, AK and as I read the sign “There’s no place like Nome” I chuckled and thought “good thing”.  The weather was lousy, the town was littered with garbage and I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to live here.  Now, eleven years later, I live here 10 – 14 days a month and have a different perspective of this community.  It’s a vibrant little town with three grocery stores, great restaurant choices, a movie theater, a bowling alley in the works and a wonderful road system.

There are three roads or about 220 miles to go out and view nature at its best. The Council road is about 75 miles long that ends at a river.  This is a popular place for the locals to launch their fishing boats.  There is a small summer community or fishing camp across the river called Council.  The Teller road ends at the village of Teller.  The third road is the Kougarok, where many birders go to find the bristle-thighed curlew.

Joe was here visiting me in Nome this weekend.  We had three full days and we turned each road into a full day of adventure.  A short drive out of Nome and it is a tranquil paradise…wide open spaces with views of mountains, ocean, and wildlife.  When the wind isn’t blowing, the only noise to be heard is from the birds.  Much of the land is wind swept rocky turf covered with beautiful dainty little flowers.  We saw a moose munching on the new green brush.  We watched herds of musk ox as they napped, ran and grazed.  The reindeer were plentiful.  We enjoyed great views of one large grizzly bear and of a fox.  We snuck a few peeks at some spotted seals and a couple of beavers.  The arctic ground squirrel added a little entertainment to the trip and the birds were spectacular.

The birding highlights include – a pair of Peregrine Falcons close to their nest, a nest under a bridge with two large Gyrfalcon fledglings eating a Ptarmigan for dinner, 4 different types of loons (Common, Red-throated, Pacific and Arctic), Willow and Rock Ptarmigan (not being eaten for dinner), Common Eiders and  great looks at another 70 species.

Enjoying summer and hope you are too!

BTW, they are birdwatchers!

JUST LET MY MAN, MIKEY LIKES IT LEEEEAD this city, you liberal Democrat Hippy F-*&$%$^-ers!!!

Dear fellow bloggers:

JUST LET MY MAN, MIKEY LIKES IT LEEEEAD this city, you liberal Democrat Hippy F-*&$%$^-ers!!!

I would like to personally state that while I don’t know My Man Mikey at all, I like it and think you all should vote for him on Tuesday because from what I have read in the Argyle Leader, watched on Sioux Storm Center TV, and seen on many nicely taken care of/well-watered lawns in town – there is no other choice other than electing this reputable man of REPUBLICAN VALUES, high moral standards of conduct, nice-looking eyes, well-groomed style in finely-made suits, and an absolute Million-Dollar “glint”-ridden smile (much like the “glint” reflecting off of my First Premier Credit Card when I hold it up to the light).  He vows that the Events Center (like the ones they have in Alaska – where the leader of the free world in 2012, President Sarah Palladin,

is from) will be built in the next 4 years, and that is good enough for me and my family who are always in attendance at the fine arena events. However, we NEED A BIGGER ARENA for flea markets

farm toy shows,

and gun shows…

 If “OUR” Man Mike can get this done, then by all means - 

JUST LET OUR MAN, MIKEY LIKES IT LEEEEAD this city, you liberal Democrat Hippy F-*&$%$^-ers!!!

By the way, Kermit Fragger-Rock is just a lazy, dumb, nerdy liberal weed-smokin’ hippy frog who wants to legalize the potty M.J. Joint…

Sincerely,

EggBert & Family of Christian Mother F-$#*&&^%(#-ers!!!