Doug Stanhope says GFY bloggers!
Entries Tagged 'anger' ↓
The situation in Haiti is only going to get worse as time goes on. Respiratory illness and infection will kill more people in the coming weeks than the earthquake did.
Take a second away from drinking your morning starbucks & bottled water while reading this stupid blog on your fancy computer which runs on the electricity you take for granted, whip your phone out and text ‘HAITI’ to 90999. This will tack a much needed $10 onto your next wireless bill as a donation to the Red Cross. You might have to share a meal next time you eat out at the Texas Roadhouse instead of getting your own texas toothpicks. But it will taste better, trust me.
That is all. Thank you.
I just couldn’t resist to bring this back to the front of the line, there has been some new comments that make me laugh balls;
I made the snap decision to have lunch at Senor Wiener earlier this week. I would have written my review earlier, but the chili dog I had left me with a case of the lingering trots.
Let’s start with the obvious. Penis jokes are funny for about the first 2 minutes you are there, and then it becomes apparent that this tired entendre is all that this place has going for it. I will admit that the service was prompt and enthusiastic, but only 6 seats were filled with butts when we walked in, so no shocker there. I should also note that I had to wipe my table off before we sat down, since it still hadn’t been cleaned since the last pseudo rush they had experienced. Lazy.
Not wanting to task the Wiener Staffers too greatly, I ordered the beef chili cheese dog on a wheat bun. The dog itself was MAYBE 10 degrees above room temp, despite sitting in the warming tray for god knows how long. The bun had been sitting around long enough to take on a strange rubber-like quality that resisted the flimsy plastic utensils. The paper sheet on the bottom of the basket, once soaked with the copious amounts of Hormel-esque chili and ‘Not-So-Nacho’ cheese, conveniently shredded into small bite size fragments to supplement my fiber intake for the day. The Waffle fries had also taken on the same ‘warming tray qualities’ as the wheat bun. Not a huge surprise, but would it kill them to make the fries to order once the lunch rush has died down? Seriously.
Here are a few pointers that will help keep your doors open an extra few months while you look for jobs next year:
- If your food isn’t at the required temperature, you’re going to FAIL FAIL FAIL! Get it right!
- Make your own chili. It might cost a little more, but a decent chili dog might up your street ‘cred’. You need all the help you can get.
- Get a better Nacho cheese. Your SISCO brand cheese sauce is disgusting.
- Lose the paper liner in your baskets. Seriously gross.
- Don’t use the word “Chicago” ANYWHERE on your menu. Too many people have had a real one, which yours ain’t. (so I’ve heard)
- Cook your fries to order after the rush, and toss your old ones more frequently. Nobody minds waiting 3 minutes for hot fries, especially if they are going to slather them with your second-rate chili.
- Wipe your tables down! I shouldn’t have to do it myself. BIG F on that one.
- Store your bread products in a manner that makes them more edible than bouncy.
- Get a real garbage can, and then change it when it needs to be. Your tiny Wal-Mart kitchen can is weak and is a sign of how much time and effort you put into this inevitably failed venture.
- Before you think about opening a second location over by the new Target, maybe you should get this one right first.
I’m going to end this with a prediction. Senor Wiener won’t be in business for another year. If it is we’ll have a South Dacola New Year’s Sausage Fest 2010 there, my treat.
Here is a gem from the author: “In this Internet age, we need to let our kids know that it is wrong to spread rumors and lies,” DeBrecht explained. “Unfortunately, many so-called journalists have basically told children that this is permissible as long as you disagree with someone’s opinions. Our kids deserve better than the shameful example that has been set before them. What message does this send to little girls who may want to enter the political arena? Don’t you dare lest you be Palinized?”
I can think of about 100 other more deserving candidates. What a joke. He should give it back. The NPP has now attained the credibility of other meaningless awards like the Grammy and the MTV Award for best music video.
It’s not every day we can sit back in our secure bunkers, and rest easy knowing there are some in this new generation of heathens who truly are Real Americans. This kid is one of them, and is dead on about the president of Kenya:
Yeah! In your face, Pinkos!!!
The kid’s t-shirt displays his true patriotism even better:
It’s good to know we have a new generation of Real Americans ready to carry the flag for us when we pass on to eternity. Hopefully, his parents were smart enough to hold him out of public schools, and build a secure bunker stocked with ammo and gold coins for him to ride out the coming apocolypse to emerge as our new ultra-president/potentate and lead us down the Real American path.
See ya later, fornicators!