Entries Tagged 'God' ↓

I have been very excited about this for a long time and have posted about it several times.

I have always been a fan of liturgical art and have a nice kitschy collection of my own. I guess the art restoration company that worked on it used turkey feathers to paint the columns to make them look like marble. I guess because 1) real marble columns are probably really freaking expensive, and 2) Kinda hard to replace them without using really gigantic jacks. I can’t wait to see the final project.

I would like to thank friend Jade Bos for sending me a copy of his book, Hookers or Cake today. It was a nice surprise on a shitty cold day like today. I have already read half of it. It is a sad, true, LMFAO tribute to nothingness. And the drawlings are cool to.

Check out his very fun site.

Check out Kickstarter.com a fantastic site that helps fund startup artists like Jade.

That’s my positive post for the week. Get over yourself.

Let’s throw a festival honoring the REAL gawd.

While I could care less about Christian music festivals, I still think Lifelight is a good thing for our community, even though the whole thing is based on a fictional tale . . . but I won’t go there. I posted about the new location not to long ago, and I got this comment tonight;

SO there is less than a month until the festival. We live across the highway from where it will be this year. They have NOTHING built. Their fields are currently flooded and un-mowed. Most of the roads leading into the area are gravel or dirt and are in bad condition from the flooding. There is ONE intersection that they expect to move all those people through. I don’t know how they are going to pull any of it off. But that’s ok with us. Nobody asked us if it was ok to have a festival with 300,000 people across the street. We will have to put up barriers to keep drunks off of our property. We will have to put up with the loud music until 2am. Personally, we are disgusted with the whole mess and think that Alan Greene needs to be more considerate and actually ask people living in the area if it is ok to throw a giant party across the street.

Hopefully they will get rained out and move the concert back to the Arena in Sioux Falls where it belongs. Or even Sioux City. Somewhere that doesn’t mind having so many people in one place at once.

Yes, I agree, there should be some considerations of your neighbor “Love thy neighbor.” But the thing that worries me the most is the muddy fields and poorly maintained roads. Maybe gawd is sending a message . . . host your event in Sioux Falls or worship me by my real name, Buddha.

You get all types when you are waiting tables (I could rant for pages and pages) but the bible-bumpers are the best. One of them surprised me a little yesterday. As I was picking up the check he said to me,

“I have this strong feeling from God that you should apply to that new job you have thinking about applying for. Is that something that has been on your mind.”

Surprisingly, I said, “Yes.” Then he went into a speech about faith and the bible, blah, blah, blah. I guess I better get cracking on my resume – Buddha says so.

While you pinkos are out burning american flags, railing against the true Christian foundation of this great nation, trying to steal our guns, and bowing at the feet of the Obamassiah, we REAL AMERICANS are quietly repopulating the country with future PATRIOTS.

Your vile works of “art” mocking our LORD will be burned by the next generation according to a very prominent servant of God.

The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they’re too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids.

Though Sally is sterile (I see to that every other week with bleach and hot water), other REAL AMERICANS continue to outbreed you birth-control-loving, debaucherous, baby-killing pinkos by leaps and bounds.

See ya later (unfruitful) fornicators!

Minuteman out

As I was riding my bike home from work tonight I saw a license plate that said;

NOBAMA

But the crazy shit-house rat nuttiness gets better, as I was riding my bike to work today, I snapped this picture (below). Obviously, God hasn’t helped this poor fellar get a job and do something constructive with his life, like contribute to humanity. I almost pulled the blindfold off and said, “God dislikes you, because you are ignorant and lazy.” but, who needs trouble on a Tuesday afternoon? Not this Bohemian.

I can’t remember there being a point to any of it, but I thought it might be fun to run through the highlights.

For some reason I was at work on a Sunday and couldn’t check my voicemail. GoD stops by to use the shitter, and brought a ‘Post-Feminism-Lesbian-MAXIM-Assault-Weapon-Weekly’ magazine with him to read, but ends up leaving it on my desk. Inside the mag, instead of samples of perfume, there is a single prosthetic labia attached to an advertisement for vaginal reconstruction. For some reason I tear it out and start pretending it is a fake moustache, walking around and putting it up to peoples faces to see what they look like with ‘labia-lip’.  One of these people is my mom, who starts to freak out about the idea of fake mommy parts touching her face, when I reassure her that in reality I am holding a 4 foot long plastic iguana, and the very end of the tail was what I was pretending was the moustache. That is about the time that I notice that my voicemail light isn’t on anymore, and I start feeling like I’m choking and can’t breath. So I rush off to the bathroom, which is hard to find because for some reason I work in a giant building that is a cross between the YMCA, John Morrell, and the Old Courthouse. When I look in the mirror, there is a hair sticking out of my mouth. For the remainder of my dream, I am pulling huge hairballs out of my throat, stomach, sinuses and inner ear. Great big gobs of bathroom sink and tub drain type hairballs. They look like they’ve been steeped in soap scum and mold and they smell and taste about the same.

Someone walks in the bathroom and reminds me that it’s time to go bowling. It is at THAT POINT that I realize I’m dreaming… I don’t ever go bowling.. and that is what’s weird enough to wake me up.

2012 is going to be a great year!

I hope it happens while I am in Belize.

“I’m not going to make it to work for the rest of the year, the Sun Gods are angry.”

Alexander Hamilton, a deist, a founding father and our first Treasury Secretary did not run for president because he had to admit to his peers that he was paying some guy to screw his wife.

Another letter to the editor about how our country was founded under God (ironically by deists);

Our country was founded on the words “In God we trust” and “One country under God.”

The letter writer doesn’t mention Christianity, so I hope she knows that the founding fathers were referring to all references of God not just Christianity. And BTW “one nation under God” was not added to the pledge of allegience until the 20th century to scare the Russians.