Entries Tagged 'Humor' ↓

I’ve always been a bit suspicious

Now they are contracting it out . . .

Tuesday Funnies

Yes, cracking a joke about the French on St. Patty’s probably isn’t appropriate, but since my great grandmother was both French and Irish, I think I can get away with it.

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Local Comedian Sean Jordan returning home for some shows

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Sean will be at Rookies next week

Thursday, 3/12 – 7:30
Friday,  3/13 – 7:30 and 9:30
Saturday, 3/14 – 7:30 and 9:30

$10

Super fantastic movie

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I just watched this today, and the hilarity of this, with the city council public input, is still making me gurgle inside. That and David Cross is a comedic genius.

SFPD picks a specific officer to ‘thin the herd’ of deer in Sioux Falls.

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Hey little guys, you may have a fighting chance.

South DaCola News

By Samuel Coldsweat

The SFPD announced today that they have picked a specific officer to ‘thin the herd’ of deer in Sioux Falls.

“It just made sense to us that this officer needed a little target practice, and what a better way to get it, but to practice on some dumb animals running through the trees and snow?” says Police Chief Darth Cowbell.

Of course Cowbell was talking about Officer Antwon Dickle, who ironically got himself in a pickle in Butthill Park the day after New Years. Dickle shot 8(?) times at a suspect that he believed pointed a handgun at him in a dimly lit area.

“Handgun, I-Pod, Pringles can, slingshot, dildo, what have you, the officer acted on the threat, but we were disappointed he missed the target, so we figured he could practice in the field on real moving targets,” claims Cowbell.

We wondered about the safety of the neighborhood he is shooting in.

“We will have him doing this at night to get the feel of the Butthill incident, but we will also warn neighbors when he is in the area, because we highly suggest they board up windows and go out for dinner and a movie those nights.” warns Cowbell “Just don’t expect us to record his operations or tell you how many shots he has fired, or deer he has killed. The SFPD just doesn’t operate well when we are transparent about our actions and being scrutinized. Cloak of secrecy is the best way to roll.”

We wondered how much ammo Dickle would be given to accomplish eliminating 30 deer.

“We figured with his accuracy, it would take about 20 rounds per deer.” sighed Cowbell, “So we are warning the food banks in advance if they are serving the venison, that they caution consumers that they may bite into a little ‘shot’ . . uh . . . or NOT (chuckling). Yeah, we know we may have better luck jumping out of trees and clubbing the deers to death with pool cues, but I think Dickle is up for the challenge.”

Cowbell estimated it will probably take Dickle about 6 months to accomplish his goal, and at that time he will be awarded a merit badge and advance to Eagle Scout training.

THIS ARTICLE WAS SATIRE. BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE, I AM WONDERING WHY THE SFPD IS EVEN DOING THIS? THE SD GF & P OFFICE HAS PROFESSIONAL STATE HUNTERS THAT USUALLY TAKE CARE OF THESE TASKS. THEY SHOULD BE RUNNING THE OPERATION, WITH THE SFPD IN TOW. STILL WONDERING WHY THE SFPD HAS HIGH POWERED RIFLES WITH SILENCERS IN THE FIRST PLACE? DON’T BE SURPRISED IF YOU SEE THEIR MILITARIZED VEHICLE ‘THE BEARCAT’ TEARING THROUGH YOUR YARD CHASING BAMBI.

My favorite Comedian. Today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ4oGZK1Zbg

While the Mayor gets a H/T from a religious organization, there is this

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I am starting to think the Daily Show needs a South Dakota bureau, I’m game.

Name that state

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London residents takes a shot at it.

The Bill of Rights

After perusing Joan Rivers videos tonight I found this gem, Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares

Bad Joke of the day

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Last night I was working, and one of the regulars at the bar says to me, “Hey, Scott, what happened to that Malaysian airplane?” So I thought this up on the fly, “You didn’t hear? They found it.” He says, “How?” I said they hired Tattoo from Fantasy Island and put him on the front of a ship and when he saw the wreckage he said, DA PLANE, DA PLANE!”