Entries Tagged 'Humor' ↓

Mayor Mike attempts to announce for governor at pet store ribbon cutting*

Stop Monkeying around, running for Governor is serious business

In case you missed the ribbon cutting this Saturday at a local new pet store on the eastside, the Mayor made an attempt to announce his run for governor at a Chamber ribbon cutting.

Mike showed up in full suit and tie, even in the almost 100 degree heat it didn’t seem to phase him. He quickly started glad handing and telling everyone he had a very important speech to give during the ribbon cutting. The store manager reluctantly said it would be okay for him to say a few words. Shortly before the cutting, Mike was seen in the cat food aisle looking over a 3-ring binder that had ‘Hildebrand Strategies’ on the spine.

He confessed to one of the Chamber diplomats that he was planning to make a big political announcement about running for higher office (we can only assume that would be governor).

After about 30 minutes passed by and it was clear there wouldn’t be many more people coming to the event besides a lady with seven cats and a guy who smelled like kitty litter, the store manager cut the ribbon (forgetting Huether wanted to speak who couldn’t be found anywhere).

After the short presentation a very small crowd gathered around a cake shaped like a dog bone and Mike appeared frantically, sweating at the brow. He declared, “Is it over?! Is it over?!” The store manager apologized to Mike telling him he thought he may have left. “NO! I wanted to announce I was running for governor at your special event! I stepped out for a moment to your maintenance room to adjust the AC thermostat, it’s hotter than Hell in here.”

The manager apologized again and handed Mike a coupon for 50% off a grooming and said, “Maybe next time.”

*This story is a joke, and parts of the event described did not happen . . . well . . . ‘some’ of it didn’t happen.

New Sports Bar Menu at Sports Complex doesn’t list prices*

(Click to enlarge) Priceless menu at Bill’s

South DaCola decided to do a food review of the new sports bar, Bill’s. The new restaurant is a great concept from one of our local hospital’s for-profit divisions.

At first glance when you arrive, it’s your typical memorabilia sports bar with some local flare.

While we found the food to be your normal bar food fare and the service friendly, we wondered why the menu at Bill’s didn’t have any prices listed on menu. So we asked our server, who grabbed a shift manager to answer the question for us.

The shift manager came over and grabbed the menu from us, looked on both sides and said, “Huh? You are right, no prices are listed.” He walked off without explanation and seemed confused. He returned a short time later and said, “I checked our POS computer, and the prices are not listed there either, not sure what to tell you.” I asked if there was someone else he could check with. After waiting about 20 minutes we decided to order anyway, two 16 oz fizzy American tap beers and two bacon cheeseburgers with fries. We were about to finish up our meal when the shift manager returned with a phone number scribbled on a piece of paper and told us if we call this number they could give us the pricing. Since my guest and I have never experienced such a strange thing before, we decided to call. It was about 5:43 PM in the afternoon when we called. I got voicemail that said, “Thank you for calling Bill’s price coding office. Regular business hours are 9 AM to 4 PM, Monday-Thursday. If you need immediate menu pricing please dial ‘0’.” I tried that several times, and all I got was a recorded message that said, “Thank You for calling Bill’s, have a nice day.” and the phone disconnected.

I waved down the shift manager one more time and told him what happened and he responded. “That’s to bad.” and walked off.

We asked for our bill figuring we would finally get the pricing with a receipt. The tab arrived with a Bill’s header on it and a line that said amount due; $172.57. I asked our waitress if there might have been a mistake and she checked her POS and told me everything was rang in correctly, then gave me a phone number to call for customer complaints and coupon for free onion rings on our next visit.

I didn’t bother calling. Anyone want my coupon?

*This article was a parody. There is NO sports bar in Sioux Falls called ‘Bill’s’. It was an attempt to make light of the fact that most hospitals won’t show patients a price list of procedures that are usually overpriced.

I’ve always been a bit suspicious

Now they are contracting it out . . .

Tuesday Funnies

Yes, cracking a joke about the French on St. Patty’s probably isn’t appropriate, but since my great grandmother was both French and Irish, I think I can get away with it.

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Local Comedian Sean Jordan returning home for some shows

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Sean will be at Rookies next week

Thursday, 3/12 – 7:30
Friday,  3/13 – 7:30 and 9:30
Saturday, 3/14 – 7:30 and 9:30

$10

Super fantastic movie

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I just watched this today, and the hilarity of this, with the city council public input, is still making me gurgle inside. That and David Cross is a comedic genius.

SFPD picks a specific officer to ‘thin the herd’ of deer in Sioux Falls.

2fawn

Hey little guys, you may have a fighting chance.

South DaCola News

By Samuel Coldsweat

The SFPD announced today that they have picked a specific officer to ‘thin the herd’ of deer in Sioux Falls.

“It just made sense to us that this officer needed a little target practice, and what a better way to get it, but to practice on some dumb animals running through the trees and snow?” says Police Chief Darth Cowbell.

Of course Cowbell was talking about Officer Antwon Dickle, who ironically got himself in a pickle in Butthill Park the day after New Years. Dickle shot 8(?) times at a suspect that he believed pointed a handgun at him in a dimly lit area.

“Handgun, I-Pod, Pringles can, slingshot, dildo, what have you, the officer acted on the threat, but we were disappointed he missed the target, so we figured he could practice in the field on real moving targets,” claims Cowbell.

We wondered about the safety of the neighborhood he is shooting in.

“We will have him doing this at night to get the feel of the Butthill incident, but we will also warn neighbors when he is in the area, because we highly suggest they board up windows and go out for dinner and a movie those nights.” warns Cowbell “Just don’t expect us to record his operations or tell you how many shots he has fired, or deer he has killed. The SFPD just doesn’t operate well when we are transparent about our actions and being scrutinized. Cloak of secrecy is the best way to roll.”

We wondered how much ammo Dickle would be given to accomplish eliminating 30 deer.

“We figured with his accuracy, it would take about 20 rounds per deer.” sighed Cowbell, “So we are warning the food banks in advance if they are serving the venison, that they caution consumers that they may bite into a little ‘shot’ . . uh . . . or NOT (chuckling). Yeah, we know we may have better luck jumping out of trees and clubbing the deers to death with pool cues, but I think Dickle is up for the challenge.”

Cowbell estimated it will probably take Dickle about 6 months to accomplish his goal, and at that time he will be awarded a merit badge and advance to Eagle Scout training.

THIS ARTICLE WAS SATIRE. BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE, I AM WONDERING WHY THE SFPD IS EVEN DOING THIS? THE SD GF & P OFFICE HAS PROFESSIONAL STATE HUNTERS THAT USUALLY TAKE CARE OF THESE TASKS. THEY SHOULD BE RUNNING THE OPERATION, WITH THE SFPD IN TOW. STILL WONDERING WHY THE SFPD HAS HIGH POWERED RIFLES WITH SILENCERS IN THE FIRST PLACE? DON’T BE SURPRISED IF YOU SEE THEIR MILITARIZED VEHICLE ‘THE BEARCAT’ TEARING THROUGH YOUR YARD CHASING BAMBI.

My favorite Comedian. Today.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ4oGZK1Zbg

While the Mayor gets a H/T from a religious organization, there is this

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I am starting to think the Daily Show needs a South Dakota bureau, I’m game.

Name that state

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London residents takes a shot at it.