Entries Tagged 'Parody' ↓

Traffic shutdown after mayoral candidate tells a joke

Traffic outside of a popular retirement home in Sioux Falls was shutdown for a couple of hours so emergency personnel could attend to residents mostly for light heads and shortness of breath.

The incident happened after mayoral candidate Paul TenHens told his first stump speech joke of the campaign season.

Many residents can’t recall if the quip was funny, because they were so taken back with his sudden sense of humor.

Resident Annie Mae was totally shocked, “He was in full campaign mode, talking about crime, leadership and roads, than all of sudden he partially grins, puts out a soft kitten like snort, and says something that seemed like a joke. The entire crowd gasped. Even old nappy time Morty woke up.”

Since most residents were still being attended to when I showed up on the scene it was hard to find someone who could actually tell me what the joke was.

A staffer who didn’t want their name used told me, “It was something about taking the door off the mayor’s office to use at a new skatepark. It was confusing because it started out with a line about a Priest, a Rabbi and a city director at Monk’s bar at 4 PM on a Friday afternoon.”

We tried to reach out to the TenHens campaign for comment, and they released this statement, “Our thoughts and prayers are with the residents and we are thankful there was no serious injuries. We want to apologize for such a good Christian like Paul to attempt to tell a joke. Campaign staff has been counseling him since the incident and reminding him to always be serious and never show comedic emotion.”

On a positive note, maybe TenHens supports the new skatepark, city hall transparency and city employees drinking beer? I just hope he stops reading Dr. Allen Unruh’s clean joke books. Any casualties at our local retirement homes could totally kill his chances of being mayor.

City to hold bake sale to help fund notepads and pens

The city announced this today;

The City said because of Falls Park’s popularity, a loss control consultant contracted by the South Dakota Public Assurance Alliance (SDPAA) evaluates the park with a risk manager annually.

These reports, which were done orally, were completed in 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2014, 2015, and 2017.

I called Central Services Director Sue QuanBeckBabbaling and asked why NO one with the city’s risk department, fire department, police department or parks department didn’t take notes during these ‘ORAL’ reviews.

She replied, “I know, kind of embarrassing isn’t it? To tell you the truth, the city just forgets to budget for pens and notepads each year for staff. That is why this year we are offering a solution by having a bake sale at city hall to fund these necessary office items.”

I wondered with all the other ‘expensive’ things the city spends it’s budget on, how such a oversight could happen. Tracy Turncoat the city’s finance director said this,

“Well, I thought we had the budget shortfall handled once we implemented the rule that city employees must bring their own bathroom tissue to work and making it SOP for SFPD officers to do their duty at McDonalds. But it just couldn’t shore up the shortfall enough.”

He did however tell me that they will see some cost savings once the notepads can be donated, “We will be spending less on chalk in the engineering department.”

Just when you think your city is doing fine financially, the little things rear their heads.

The sale will occur this Friday from 9 AM-4 PM, and for an extra dollar per cupcake the mayor will personally lick the frosting off the top.*

*Sorry, no refunds if you have a gag reflex.

Huether dedicates city snowplow to Potsdam Mayor

Well, he did make water into wine . . .

Our traffic engineer hard at work

KELO-TV screenshot

I bet his desk is clean! Good thing we are building a $25 million dollar administration building so our city directors have room to stretch out!

Clint Eastwood announces DSU donation

That was nice of Mr. Eastwood to make it to little old South Dakota to announce such a big deal, Sanford putting his name on another building.

Sioux Falls Mayor proposes city flag design

The City of Sioux Falls ‘OFFICIAL’ Flag?

I’m sure you have seen it around town, especially hanging from downtown businesses store fronts, the tri-colored ‘unofficial’ flag of Sioux Falls. The city council and Mayor’s office has been pressured several times to make the flag the ‘official’ flag of the city, with NO luck.

The group pushing for the design had essentially gave up and just started selling the flag as the ‘unofficial’ flag of Sioux Falls.

Mayor Huether realizing there really hasn’t been a resolution on the issue put his staff at central and media services to work to come up with an ‘official design’. After they compiled about 10 different designs he shared it with directors, family and close friends.

This was ultimately the design the Mayor picked. It still has to go through city council approval.

Mayor Huether had this say about the new design.

“I think it reflects the passive, plain, artistic ignorance of the ruling class in our city while also representing the bare bones uneventful lives of the working class of our city. I have NO doubt our city council will pass this POSITIVE design, and if they don’t, I will just veto their NO votes. I think I can do that.”

The mayor has promised to get things done his last year in office, and here is yet another example of his leadership and vision if only this article wasn’t a big joke.

Garth Brooks buys Events Center

It really came down to Mr. Brooks running the numbers, according to his management,

“Hey, make no mistake, we were going to make an a**load of money from doing our 27 shows in Sioux Falls. We even had to charter a private jet to haul all of the cash OUT OF SIOUX FALLS. We just figured it would be more economical for us to buy the Events Center.”

While most of the year Brooks shows will be booked at the EC, think Celine Dion, Vegas Show, they will do other shows, like monster trucks and rodeos, but they will also do country, country and country shows.

While Brooks won’t live in Sioux Falls permanently, he did purchase a very nice residence on the South Side.

“Garth got a Hell of a deal on a home by the Walmart on 85th and Minnesota. He loved how the Walmart sign illuminated his driveway at night.”

We asked what Brooks would do about the bent up siding on the EC. Management had a positive twist on that.

Besides getting a $1 million dollar discount on the purchase price due to the whacked siding job, it was actually a selling point.

“Garth liked how it looked like an old grain bin. Actually we will be adding fake rust streaks and a big auger. We are also going to change the landscaping to a field of corn around the EC.”

We wondered if the secret siding settlement was disclosed during the negotiations.

“Yeah, we saw it, but we won’t be releasing it to the public, they would crap their pants.”

We wondered if City Hall had any comments about the sale, and the mayor released this statement.

“This is a darn good deal for the good folks of Sioux Falls. Not only will we be able to pay off the bonds early on the Events Center, we will still have a great entertainment facility that was pretty much built for country shows anyway. And I will never have to answer questions about the siding anymore.”

We asked if there would be any major changes with Brooks management running the facility.

Besides the bars now will only serve Jack Daniels and Coors Light, all shows will be $75. Whether that is a Brooks show, a rodeo or a State ‘A’ tournament.

We asked if Garth himself had anything to say about the purchase. He did,

“Sorry Denny, there’s a new Sheriff in town.”

A bronze of Brooks is already being minted for the campus of the new Brooks Events Center.

Big Announcement coming soon?

Mayor Mike attempts to announce for governor at pet store ribbon cutting*

Stop Monkeying around, running for Governor is serious business

In case you missed the ribbon cutting this Saturday at a local new pet store on the eastside, the Mayor made an attempt to announce his run for governor at a Chamber ribbon cutting.

Mike showed up in full suit and tie, even in the almost 100 degree heat it didn’t seem to phase him. He quickly started glad handing and telling everyone he had a very important speech to give during the ribbon cutting. The store manager reluctantly said it would be okay for him to say a few words. Shortly before the cutting, Mike was seen in the cat food aisle looking over a 3-ring binder that had ‘Hildebrand Strategies’ on the spine.

He confessed to one of the Chamber diplomats that he was planning to make a big political announcement about running for higher office (we can only assume that would be governor).

After about 30 minutes passed by and it was clear there wouldn’t be many more people coming to the event besides a lady with seven cats and a guy who smelled like kitty litter, the store manager cut the ribbon (forgetting Huether wanted to speak who couldn’t be found anywhere).

After the short presentation a very small crowd gathered around a cake shaped like a dog bone and Mike appeared frantically, sweating at the brow. He declared, “Is it over?! Is it over?!” The store manager apologized to Mike telling him he thought he may have left. “NO! I wanted to announce I was running for governor at your special event! I stepped out for a moment to your maintenance room to adjust the AC thermostat, it’s hotter than Hell in here.”

The manager apologized again and handed Mike a coupon for 50% off a grooming and said, “Maybe next time.”

*This story is a joke, and parts of the event described did not happen . . . well . . . ‘some’ of it didn’t happen.

New Sports Bar Menu at Sports Complex doesn’t list prices*

(Click to enlarge) Priceless menu at Bill’s

South DaCola decided to do a food review of the new sports bar, Bill’s. The new restaurant is a great concept from one of our local hospital’s for-profit divisions.

At first glance when you arrive, it’s your typical memorabilia sports bar with some local flare.

While we found the food to be your normal bar food fare and the service friendly, we wondered why the menu at Bill’s didn’t have any prices listed on menu. So we asked our server, who grabbed a shift manager to answer the question for us.

The shift manager came over and grabbed the menu from us, looked on both sides and said, “Huh? You are right, no prices are listed.” He walked off without explanation and seemed confused. He returned a short time later and said, “I checked our POS computer, and the prices are not listed there either, not sure what to tell you.” I asked if there was someone else he could check with. After waiting about 20 minutes we decided to order anyway, two 16 oz fizzy American tap beers and two bacon cheeseburgers with fries. We were about to finish up our meal when the shift manager returned with a phone number scribbled on a piece of paper and told us if we call this number they could give us the pricing. Since my guest and I have never experienced such a strange thing before, we decided to call. It was about 5:43 PM in the afternoon when we called. I got voicemail that said, “Thank you for calling Bill’s price coding office. Regular business hours are 9 AM to 4 PM, Monday-Thursday. If you need immediate menu pricing please dial ‘0’.” I tried that several times, and all I got was a recorded message that said, “Thank You for calling Bill’s, have a nice day.” and the phone disconnected.

I waved down the shift manager one more time and told him what happened and he responded. “That’s to bad.” and walked off.

We asked for our bill figuring we would finally get the pricing with a receipt. The tab arrived with a Bill’s header on it and a line that said amount due; $172.57. I asked our waitress if there might have been a mistake and she checked her POS and told me everything was rang in correctly, then gave me a phone number to call for customer complaints and coupon for free onion rings on our next visit.

I didn’t bother calling. Anyone want my coupon?

*This article was a parody. There is NO sports bar in Sioux Falls called ‘Bill’s’. It was an attempt to make light of the fact that most hospitals won’t show patients a price list of procedures that are usually overpriced.