Entries Tagged 'Silly' ↓

Pakistani ambassador given the shaft by Saudis

Apparently, the name of the new Pakistani ambassador has rubbed the Saudis the wrong way. The ambassador’s name, Akbar Zeb, in arabic means “Biggest Dick”.  Similar attempts to penetrate the diplomatic corps of the UAE and Bahrain were also cockblocked.

While the Pakistanis had a huge swell of confidence that their man would be able to erect new bridges with their middle-eastern friends, it turns out that a major case of penis envy has given diplomacy the blue balls, and the Pakistani government a throbbing headache.

I, for one, am proud to live in a country where men whose name is also a euphamism for the male genitalia can be elected to high office and serve as members of our diplomatic corps anywhere in the world. All they need is a stiff adherence to our American principles and the peoples’ mushroom stamp of approval.

Why I love the Onion

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King Douchenozzle von Krunk

Looks like Glenn Beck dodged another bullet today.

Unfortunately, the victim of this fatal car accident was not him.

Is the City Survey in Sioux Falls scientific? Hardly.

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As I reported last week, somebody I knew got the city survey, to her surprise she received another copy of the survey in the mail with a note that said;

About one week ago, you should have received a copy of the enclosed survey. If you completed it and sent it back, we thank you for your time and ask you to discard this survey. Please do not respond twice.

Well that makes sense not to respond twice, it would kind of throw that whole ‘scientific survey’ concept out the window, wouldn’t it. So I assumed when I looked at the survey there would be some kind of barcode sprayed on the back that would correspond with the first survey so that the company processing the surveys wouldn’t process the same household twice. Guess what? No such barcode exists. In other words the same household can send in the survey twice, they can fill them out completely differently, or they can pass them onto a friend to fill out because there is no way to track where they came from because they are sent back anonymously in the same BRE envelope that everyone else will use (not sprayed with trackable barcode either).

I had often believed that the first survey the city did a few years ago was flawed. No one knew what demographic they were mailed to (3000 residents) and only 900 people responded.

This shouldn’t surprise any of, Munson’s administration has fought hard to control information and has used propaganda repeatedly to mislead and lie to the public. I just never thought they would be so blatant about it this time. Must be getting rusty after 7 years.

Nuke your favorite city

 

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An interesting google site allows you to see the possible effects of a nuclear bomb on any city in the world. It’s kind of fun to play with.

HERE it is.

It starts with a 1kt suitcase nuke and goes all the way up to the 50mt Tsar Bomba, which if detonated in DTSF, would annihlate everything as far away as Luverne.

Also, you can apparently buy anything on the internets these days:

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For the person who already has everything

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I Saw this at Zandbroz last night. They had a few others there too, such as the OCD action figure.

So, are they going to dress up like Indians?

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As mentioned in an earlier post, there’s going to be a tax protest at Covell Lake where participants will reenact the Boston Tea Party. It’s being organized on facebook. I think a counter protest should dress as British redcoats and threaten to arrest the protestors for treason against the crown – not because they don’t have a right to protest taxes, but because it would be equally silly and pointless.

Funny how almost no one complained when the last administration outspent all the others combined.

PS: Everyone’s favorite back-cracker is organizing the event.

When times are down, have some sauerkraut

So I’m walking downtown last night and I get a text message from Oliver Surden;

“Just ate at the Bohemian Cafe. I’m in sauerkraut hell. It was awesome.”

People from every corner of the world have come to enjoy an authentic Czech meal and to satisfy the deep depths of their rumbling stomachs.

Bastard! Rub it in with gravy and gigantic dumplings you little jerk.

As you know, the Bohemian Cafe in Omaha is swinging joint

Just when you are having a decent night, one of your friends has to f’ck with you and tell you they are having a better night.

Oh well, Oliver deserves it, he also deserves the cabbage hell that will be inflicted on his gastric system today.

I have the best dreams!

I can’t remember there being a point to any of it, but I thought it might be fun to run through the highlights.

For some reason I was at work on a Sunday and couldn’t check my voicemail. GoD stops by to use the shitter, and brought a ‘Post-Feminism-Lesbian-MAXIM-Assault-Weapon-Weekly’ magazine with him to read, but ends up leaving it on my desk. Inside the mag, instead of samples of perfume, there is a single prosthetic labia attached to an advertisement for vaginal reconstruction. For some reason I tear it out and start pretending it is a fake moustache, walking around and putting it up to peoples faces to see what they look like with ‘labia-lip’.  One of these people is my mom, who starts to freak out about the idea of fake mommy parts touching her face, when I reassure her that in reality I am holding a 4 foot long plastic iguana, and the very end of the tail was what I was pretending was the moustache. That is about the time that I notice that my voicemail light isn’t on anymore, and I start feeling like I’m choking and can’t breath. So I rush off to the bathroom, which is hard to find because for some reason I work in a giant building that is a cross between the YMCA, John Morrell, and the Old Courthouse. When I look in the mirror, there is a hair sticking out of my mouth. For the remainder of my dream, I am pulling huge hairballs out of my throat, stomach, sinuses and inner ear. Great big gobs of bathroom sink and tub drain type hairballs. They look like they’ve been steeped in soap scum and mold and they smell and taste about the same.

Someone walks in the bathroom and reminds me that it’s time to go bowling. It is at THAT POINT that I realize I’m dreaming… I don’t ever go bowling.. and that is what’s weird enough to wake me up.

If you can’t beat em – join em!

Starbucks is offering a ‘Value Meal’ now (with Gouda cheese of course).