Entries Tagged 'The Ugly Table' ↓
The Best ‘Guest’ Ugly Table ever
March 28th, 2013 — Art, Cartoon, Poetry, The Ugly Table
The Ugly Table #75
February 16th, 2013 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
Passive Postcard
First you pull the PC out of your purse (promoting your new business) and lay it next to you on the table.
When I come back, I notice it is laying in the middle of the table.
When I come back a 3rd time, it is laying at the end in the corner (I still have said nothing about the PC, and neither has Ms. Passive).
I come back to give you your bill and the PC is now propped up against the salt & pepper shakers. You still say nothing about the PC or the business you are opening just a few doors down from our restaurant.
When I return you give me your credit card with your business name prominently on the card.
After you leave, still not saying anything about your business, the PC is in the check book with your CC slip and a $4 tip (dinner for two).
Way to promote your business! Good Luck!
Scott L. Ehrisman (c) 2/16/2013
Ugly Table #75
January 28th, 2013 — Food, Poetry, The Ugly Table
Ugly Table #74
January 11th, 2013 — Food, Poetry, The Ugly Table
F’k off Democrats
Me: I think I know your dad, great guy.
Customer 1: Thanks
Customer 2 (across the table from customer one): It’s too bad he is a Democrat (in a snotty voice)
Me: What’s wrong with that? (Then I walked away.)
Customer 2 (under her breath): F’ck Off.
Scott L. Ehrisman (c) 1/11/2013
Ugly Table #73
January 2nd, 2013 — Food, Poetry, The Ugly Table
The Round Up Tip
The round up tip is usually not good, but this guy must only figure out his checkbook in increments of $50.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 1/2/13
Ugly Table #72
November 16th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
Customer: “I’m glad to see you are in a good mood. The hostess who sat us was not.”
Me: She is never in a good mood. I nicknamed her, “FREE Appetizer.”
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 11/16/12
Ugly Table #71
October 14th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
Customer: I can’t cut thru this steak.
ME: Maybe you have a dull knife?
C: No, it is really tough.
I take the offending steak back to the grill chef . . .
ME: Customer is saying they can’t cut thru this steak.
After closer inspection by the chef he says,
“Does he realize this is a T-Bone and there is a bone down the center of the steak that apparently he is trying to cut thru by these apparent steak knife marks.”
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 10/14/12
Ugly Table #70
September 2nd, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
(Overheard by the host stand)
Four elderly patrons approach the host stand and make a request,
“Can we get a table as closest to the bathroom as possible?”
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 9/2/12
Ugly Table #69
August 26th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
POINTLESS
Yes, someone at work decided that putting an empty milk carton into a very tiny paper receptacle was a good idea.
Remember, The Ugly Table is almost 90% customers, and 10% co-workers.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/25/12
Ugly Table #68
August 17th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
What are you? Three years old?
Customer: I will take a salad, only iceberg, dressing on the side.
Me: Only iceberg? Nothing else?
Customer: Yes.
I bring an iceberg wedge slice to his table (this is how our iceberg salads are served).
Customer: Well, you could have cut it up for me.
Me: Sir, in that rolled-up napkin you will find a knife and fork.
And I walked away.
I wanted to say, “Do you need me to cut up your steak for you in little itzy-bitzy bite size pieces to? Maybe we can run your sweet potato thru a blender? Do you need a high chair and a bib?”
Grow up.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/17/12
