Entries Tagged 'Turkey' ↓

Thanksgiving memories . . .

SD-WEEK-84-AMERICA-DIVIDED-11-10-08

Eggbert’s Thanksgiving, 2008

EggBert Family & Friend 2008 Thankful List:

On this wonderful Thanksgiving Day, my family and friends want to wish you all a glorious, utopical, crisis-free Holiday of love, food, and football (don’t watch the news today, because nothing important happens on Turkey Day!).  Each family member submitted their short list of what they are each thankful for this year – 2008:

“THIS THANKSGIVING, I  AM THANKFUL FOR…”

Petey Schwetty: Chicks, especially ones who like to feel the heat of Petey’s pistol.

Neighbor Ned Nugent: Guns, so I can shoot things like deer, and darkies.

Granny Gumption: Coffee cans to pee in, President George W. Bush, and Pastor Steve.

Uncle Rusty: My family and friends (though nutjobs), and for good citizens like this one for stepping up to the plate – http://beta.argusleader.com/article/20081122/VOICES09/811220319/-1/archive

Neighbor Creamy Nugent: Young fertile men with lots of money, assorted condoms, and big penile units.

Niece Nellie: Nice young boys like my loving boyfriend, Petey, who takes care of his girlfriends (like me) by impregnating them and sending them to the Unruugggggh’s Alphabet Center for abstinence education.

Gramps Grumpy Gump: Homeland Security government terrorist color chart alert safety systems so insurgents won’t blow up the United States or India.

Aunt Bertha: What the Hell else? A sweet, chiseled snow-machine man like Hotty Toddy Paladin. Yummy!!!

Neighbor Jed Nugent: White people, and cute, cuddly white poodles.

Sister-nephew Leslie Steve Allen Brandi Geibink-Cable: My role models who are my namesakes, for giving me unconditional love, gender-crisis counseling, and abstinence education.

Eggbert Tiberious Frankfurter Ichabod Goofenstein: My fellow bloggers, and for my Papa Poop and Mama Mush who went to work for the GOP during the Nixon Administration and left me in a coffee can on my grandparents’ stoop when I was but a wee child, but who also bestowed upon me my delicious wit, intelligent mind, and proud name.

*The photo above is of our Annual EggBert Family & Friend Thanksgiving Day traditional Turkey-Turd Search in the woods (after snarfing down 16 pizzas and sucking down 13 kegs of Schlitz beer) as Grampa Grumpy Gumpty shows off his turd (since we couldn’t find any turkeys).

Sincerely, wishing you all a very thankful and Turkey-Turd rewarded Thanksgiving -

EggBert, family & friends

A Wipf of Tchetter is in the air