I have the best dreams!

I can’t remember there being a point to any of it, but I thought it might be fun to run through the highlights.

For some reason I was at work on a Sunday and couldn’t check my voicemail. GoD stops by to use the shitter, and brought a ‘Post-Feminism-Lesbian-MAXIM-Assault-Weapon-Weekly’ magazine with him to read, but ends up leaving it on my desk. Inside the mag, instead of samples of perfume, there is a single prosthetic labia attached to an advertisement for vaginal reconstruction. For some reason I tear it out and start pretending it is a fake moustache, walking around and putting it up to peoples faces to see what they look like with ‘labia-lip’.  One of these people is my mom, who starts to freak out about the idea of fake mommy parts touching her face, when I reassure her that in reality I am holding a 4 foot long plastic iguana, and the very end of the tail was what I was pretending was the moustache. That is about the time that I notice that my voicemail light isn’t on anymore, and I start feeling like I’m choking and can’t breath. So I rush off to the bathroom, which is hard to find because for some reason I work in a giant building that is a cross between the YMCA, John Morrell, and the Old Courthouse. When I look in the mirror, there is a hair sticking out of my mouth. For the remainder of my dream, I am pulling huge hairballs out of my throat, stomach, sinuses and inner ear. Great big gobs of bathroom sink and tub drain type hairballs. They look like they’ve been steeped in soap scum and mold and they smell and taste about the same.

Someone walks in the bathroom and reminds me that it’s time to go bowling. It is at THAT POINT that I realize I’m dreaming… I don’t ever go bowling.. and that is what’s weird enough to wake me up.


#1 Super Average Girl on 02.27.09 at 8:44 am

Were you eating cheese last night before you went to bed?

#2 l3wis on 02.27.09 at 8:48 am

Where can I pick up one of those mags? Maybe Jerstad will give me her Annabelle’s gift certificate.

BTW, AG, thanks for the mountain of spam I am going to get from this post.

#3 Todd Epp on 02.27.09 at 9:03 am


Sounds like a bad case of too many onions before bedtime.

Todd Epp
SD Watch http://www.southdakotawatch.net

#4 l3wis on 02.27.09 at 9:22 am

Well if AG’s diet is anything like mine (which I’m guessing it is, considering our matching physiques) no surprise.

#5 Angry Guy on 02.27.09 at 9:28 am

Late night Tomacelli’s pizza with extra cheese & cocktails with extra vodka.

#6 Ghost of Dude on 02.27.09 at 10:04 am

Were there any mushrooms on this pizza?

And by GoD, do you mean me, or the man upstairs? (I’ve got to get a better internets handle – maybe I’ll go back to El Dudereno for the sake of brevity)

#7 Angry Guy on 02.27.09 at 10:15 am

It was the ‘perfect pizza’. Half ‘roni & shroom, half can. bacon & pineapple. Let’s not forget the EXTRA CHEESE!
Sorry Dude.. I meant you. But the idea of the all mighty carrying around lesbian gun magazines to read while on the pot is pretty funny in itself. Does his shit even stink?

#8 Ghost of Dude on 02.27.09 at 11:56 am

Your dream took you to the bathroom. You should know.

Besides, all my magazines are heterosexual women carrying guns. Good wholesome porn.

#9 l3wis on 02.27.09 at 12:15 pm

Ever have the peeing dream and wakeup and your are peeing. That’s reminds me, I need to go to Royal River Casino.

#10 Angry Guy on 02.27.09 at 1:29 pm

magazine porn is soooo 1995…