I know it’s a real reach for me to post something that I think is stupid or that I absolutely hate. Today will be no different. Every year all of you mouth breathing sheep work yourselves into consumerist frenzies for â€œthe big gameâ€. The chips and salsa I buy at Hy-Vee have a team logo on them. The gas I pump into my shitty car is the official fossil fuel of the NFL and I think I’ll puke if I see one more fat asshole wearing a Steelers jersey he picked up at Kohl’s just to wear today to prove that he knows who’s in the game and maybe people will think he’s a hardcore fan.
All professional sports suck. I’m not just pointing my finger at the NFL, although I will say they have a market share of fanatic butt wads that even NASCARâ„¢ is envious of. Â Today isn’t really about the football. Deep down somewhere behind all of the marketing and overpriced commercial spots there is a game of strategy and skill. But that isn’t the reason millions of you are tuning in today. Sure, you’ll watch the game and cheer when someone makes a play worth cheering for. If you are with a group of people today, whether its in a bar or sitting at home on your couch, make a mental note to observe the way a room snaps to attention when the first set of commercials come on. We, myself included, have been programmed to consume, and today we’ll worship at our HDTV alters and anoint ourselves with crappy Americanized beer and finger food. Â Doritos Sanctos Cheezypoofs.
So drink your Budweiser and eat your hot wings like a good boy, and I’ll pretend I care when it’s all you can talk about tomorrow at work.Â
IÂ meanâ€¦ BAAAAAAAâ€¦â€¦..