S & P Downgrades Iowa’s IQ (H/T – Helga)

AMES, IOWA (The Borowitz Report) – Calling the results of today’s Iowa straw poll “alarming,” Standard and Poor’s took the unprecedented action of downgrading Iowa’s IQ.

While the effects of such an extraordinary measure are hard to predict, experts say the IQ downgrade could result in Iowans having difficulty completing sentences or operating a television remote.

“This downgrade would be very upsetting to Republicans in Iowa,” said an S & P spokesman.  “Fortunately, there’s no way they’ll understand it.”

The winner in the straw poll, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn), gave a rousing victory speech that was simulcast in English across the state.

But there may be tough sledding ahead for Rep. Bachmann, as a new poll shows her losing support to Texas Governor Rick Perry among voters who describe themselves as morons.

Gov. Perry kicked off his presidential campaign today in South Carolina, unveiling a new stump speech in which he promised to repeal the twentieth century.



6 comments ↓

#1 Costner on 08.16.11 at 10:56 am

I really don’t find any value in the straw poll. Since they allow non-Republicans to vote, who is to say that some independents or Democrats showed up to sway the poll towards someone they know doesn’t have a chance at winning?

Besides that – Romney didn’t even participate and still ended up with more votes than Gingrich or Huntsman. I just don’t see any value in that poll, but if people were sincere in casting a vote for Bachmann as if they felt she would be the best this country has to offer… well then yes, Iowans are stupid (or at least over 4,800 of them are).

Honestly people should know the results are fishy when Ron Paul gets second and earned less than 1% fewer votes than Bachmann. Does anything actually think Paul is a viable candidate within the Republican party?

#2 l3wis on 08.16.11 at 12:59 pm

Costner, you know the above piece was satire? Right?

#3 Costner on 08.16.11 at 3:49 pm

Of course… I’m merely making a comment about the whole poll concept in general. All the media focus on that one trivial event is just silly.

#4 Detroit Lewis on 08.16.11 at 4:01 pm

The straw poll is satire.

#5 Costner on 08.17.11 at 8:44 am

Well you and I see it that way, but some (not all) media organziations treat it as if it was a Zogby poll or something.

Did you happen to catch John Stewart’s piece on how the media is ignoring Ron Paul even though he came in second place and had only 200 votes less than Bachmann? It was gold! Viable or not, he should at least get the recognition of a strong second place finish if they are going to waste air time discussin the stupid poll in the first place.

#6 Helga on 08.17.11 at 3:03 pm

Love love love Jon Stewart. Tuesday MSNBC and CNN played the video from his show about Ron Paul coming in 2nd. But of course they should have figured that out on Saturday when they covered that stupid ass straw poll all day long. Paul was 152 votes behind Bachmann, but the lowest voters got more attention then Paul did. Shoot pArry with an A got more votes then the bottom men.
But Happy Birtday Elvis………from Michele Bachmann.

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