The Ugly Table #56

THE HUNGRY COUSIN

Customer: I would like to apologize for my cousin’s rude behavior.

ME: I didn’t even notice.

Well, actually I did, but after 3 loaves of bread, a gallon of water, a salad swimming in dressing, one & half steaks and two gigantic loaded baked potatoes, I wasn’t really concerned about his rudeness but if he was going to eat me.

Customer: It’s always something with him, the lighting, the music, the way the steak is cooked.

ME: Well his steak was cooked wrong, he had a reasonable complaint.

Well, kinda, WTF is the difference between a medium well and well done sirloin? A hint of pink, otherwise they both taste the same, like shit.

Customer: We were kicking each other under the table because his behavior has come to be expected.

ME: Oh, I know what you mean.

What I wanted to say is, maybe you should get him a membership to Weight Watchers for Christmas. Either that or a gift certificate to Breadsmith.

Either way, you’ll be sending a STRONG message.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 11/10/11

 

 



5 comments ↓

#1 Lemming on 11.10.11 at 11:33 pm

“Well, actually I did, but after 3 loaves of bread, a gallon of water, a salad swimming in dressing, one & half steaks and two gigantic loaded baked potatoes, I wasn’t really concerned about his rudeness but if he was going to eat me.”

Thats killer and gave also gave me a disturbing visual. I guess the bright side of that is at least he’s downing a lot of water to push all that grub through his garbage disposal gut!

#2 l3wis on 11.11.11 at 6:13 am

I have never seen some shovel food that fast.

#3 Anon on 11.11.11 at 8:03 am

Sounds like episode of Hog v. Food.

#4 scott on 11.12.11 at 9:19 am

you would think someone would be embarrassed to order two dinners for themselves.

#5 Detroit Lewis on 11.12.11 at 9:50 am

They didn’t, had to recook his steak, they always get a new side.