South DaCola EXCLUSIVE; Urban Ag Committee

By Detroit Lewis

The city council was presented the final findings of the Urban Ag Committee on Tuesday at the Sioux Falls city council informational meeting.

While many things were presented in a short period of time, council Head Honcho, Lady MacErpenbach decided to cut the meeting short, because, as she stated to me afterwards, “When a woman has to pee, you best get out of her way.”

But not before an intriguing conversation was had by all. Councilor Standfortruth asked Code Enforcement Czar, Shoona Limphammer, who led the Urban Ag Committee, “So were the meetings a TOTAL waste of time, or just a partial waste of time?” To which she replied, “That’s not for me to decide. But if you have over 8.0625″ of grass in your yard, I will make the decision to have the city take you to court or arrest you.”

Councilor Tex Golfing said people have different definitions about a nuisance, “Some people think white old men that still think they are living in the 1950’s are a nuisance, you may disagree. But I have seen a mad chicken, and you can bet me Councilor Starsky’s goat on a spit, they can be a bit of a nuisance.”

Starsky seemed to be confused about the line of questioning, to which he responded, “Bahhhhh.”

Councilor Andyland Jr. brought up pot belly pigs, “So which are they, Shoona? Food or Pets.” Limphammer responded, “That all depends. Have you ever licked the belly of a pot belly pig?” Andyland responded, “Well there was this softball tournament I attended in the South that . . . ah . . . nevermind.”

Councilor Diamond Jim Antiman felt it was your neighbors that should decide everything about your property, “I think you should have a 100% of your neighbor’s approval before you get chickens. Heck I call my neighbors and have them help me pick out my Christmas lights, etc. Heck yesterday, my one neighbor picked out my socks and underwear for me.”

When the topic of how many eggs a chicken can produce in a week came up, councilor Soo Agrisans says, “Is that all?! Maybe the Phillips Avenue Diner needs to get some chickens, just as long as they don’t take up any of my booth space.”

Councilor Craig Jamisun felt that more in depth discussion would happen when the topic comes in front of the land committee. “There will be plenty of time for me to stand on the fence and watch Standfortruth ask endless questions to which no one will answer, Antiman to continue to be in property rights denial, and Golfing to ask the African word definition of a rabbit.”



12 comments ↓

#1 Pathloss on 12.05.12 at 5:00 pm

Code Enforcement can’t take you to court or have you arrested. It’s a civil matter not subject to arrest. They can issue a citation and state a fine but state supreme court has ruled they can’t take you into court to collect a fine or impose a lien because appeals are not allowed per Code 2-66. When they show up, pull their waist up their crotch and send them crying home to Huether.

#2 Pathloss on 12.05.12 at 5:03 pm

Makes me angry when someone makes threats and has nothing to back it up.

#3 Pathloss on 12.05.12 at 5:08 pm

I’m surprised Should-Have-A-House-Land-On-Her hasn’t been fired by now.

#4 Poly43 on 12.05.12 at 9:10 pm

Councilor Diamond Jim Antiman felt it was your neighbors that should decide everything about your property, “I think you should have a 100% of your neighbor’s approval before you get chickens. Heck I call my neighbors and have them help me pick out my Christmas lights, etc. Heck yesterday, my one neighbor picked out my socks and underwear for me.”

Good call l3wis. Diamond Jim is everything you allude to and prolly more. It really ranks me that this “councilor” leans this way when his neighbors by his ‘bike and booze” outlet shop violate every conceivable noise ordinance imaginable 5 months out of the year. Diamond Jim? JOKE.

#5 Craig on 12.06.12 at 9:29 am

DL you should really tag these types of posts with a “satire” tag. People still get confused with stories on The Onion and they are 100% satire, so it is bound to confuse people who don’t come here on a regular basis and aren’t in tune with your sense of humor.

That it it might get you sued one day for libel.

#6 Detroit Lewis on 12.06.12 at 9:54 am

Well, that is why I change the names. But honestly, if someone thinks Starsky bleets like a goat during meetings they obviously don’t have a sense of humor and never will.

#7 Pathloss on 12.06.12 at 12:03 pm

Whoosh! You got me. Code Enforcement are such bullys. Their process is illegal and unconstitutional. Were it possible to sue, I’d sue for defamation and assault. I made 4 official complaints against the code enforcer. None were addressed. Shawna Goldhammer should not be in any sort of management position.

#8 rufusx on 12.06.12 at 12:19 pm

Heck – SF could follow the lead of Houston, TX and just get rid of ALL Zoning/Land use laws and instead simply require signed agreements from 100% of all adjoining property owners (current) for ANY type of building/construction or use. That way, if 100% of your neighbors agree, you could build a feedlot at 41st/Grange. Antiman sounds like the Houstonian type to me.

#9 Detroit Lewis on 12.06.12 at 4:07 pm

Yeah, like people around Sanford have a choice where they build.

#10 Pathloss on 12.06.12 at 6:08 pm

rufusx has a good point. Think of all the redundant city positions that would be eliminated.

#11 Testor15 on 12.09.12 at 10:35 am

http://www.argusleader.com/article/20121209/COLUMNISTS0116/312090019

#12 Detroit Lewis on 12.09.12 at 1:12 pm

I texted Ellis that it would be hard to write anything but a satirical piece about the Urban Ag Committee.

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