Censored DTSF Burger Battle Burger

I was disappointed to hear that this burger name was censored by DTSF;

Where did this deliciousness get its name from…. The original name was The Krusti Noem Burger. Sadly, DTSF (Downtown Sioux Falls) does not support our freedom of speech and they were not going to allow us to be part of Burger Battle 2020 if we didn’t change the name. Not wanting any of you to be deprived of this mouthwatering burger we played nice and appropriately renamed it The Censored Burger [flyer posted by LoShi NayKali, Facebook, 2020.01.09].

I guess I would have been more clever and called it the Krusty Gnome, either way, it got me thinking about other burgers that could possibly be censored by DTSF (Please feel free to add to the list in the comments area)

10Haken Selfie BurgerSo handsome and beautiful you’ll want to take your picture with it.

The Mini-Ha-Ha Commissioner – This burger is only available at 9 AM on a Tuesday.

The McGoWOWan – marinated in whiskey, light beer and fantastic after a long drunken bike ride.

The Theresa – open face bun, almost transparent patty and made with bull meat. Tough and hard to swallow.

The ManSplainZertYou are required to eat with a fork and knife so you don’t get your hands all dirty and germy. It also comes with a 4-page document from the creator explaining the burger.

The Downtowner We are not sure what is on this burger since all of the ingredients have been censored.

The DorferYou can’t actually physically eat this burger, you can only view a picture of it using a phone app, but it does come with a FREE bus pass to the casino (and a drink coupon).

The RavonsburgerThe only ingredients listed are ‘Unconstitutional’.

The StaceThis burger is made with gun powder and angrily pounded patties.

The Mike Saburger – made with Egyptian beef and South Dakota soybeans.

The RS5 BurgerA patty the shape of the word ‘YES’ and pounded in darkness with a giant rubber stamp.

The Mickeysonmade with CAFO beef and only available at the SFSD cafeteria. It also comes with a yard sign, but you probably cannot afford it.

The Saudi Super StackCreated by the SD GOP chair and made with Iowa kosher beef. You must also put down a retainer before they will cook it and only pay for it with cash.

The Powerful Pitty Pattyclaims to be the best burger in the state, but kind of mysteriously tastes like fried cod.

The Ironic Johnny Thunburgtastes like nothing and has NO dietary benefits, but the POTUS gives it a B+.

The Dusty DinerThis is the perfect burger to snack on if you are just sitting around all afternoon in a small town cafe shooting the breeze with retired farmers and bitching about Mexicans.

The RoundsburgMade with processed beef from an EB-5 financed packing plant. Wait, didn’t they all close? It also comes with a demonstration from Lora Hubbel on how to shoot a shotgun using a 3 foot branch.

The MaherburgerYou’ll have to quit eating it before your finished, it also costs $300 million dollars.

The Siouxie Steelethis burger comes with a rebate to be paid back to you over the next 20 years.

The McLoyd – this burger is paid for by a generous donation from the city of Sioux Falls.

The Denty  – only available at the Events Center. It comes with a lopsided bun and a crooked patty that is forced down your throat by your server. This one also promises a rebate but you have to go to the SD Supreme Court to get it. It will probably win the burger battle, but only on an ‘advisory’ vote.

The Village River Bunker Stack the most expensive and ugliest burger on the menu, but it’s NOT available currently due to pending litigation on it’s ingredients.

The Copper Burgerthis one falls over on your plate before you can eat it and comes with a free LLC registration coupon.

The Big Piouxmarinated in the water of the Big Sioux River taken right below the packing plant. As a friend stated to me. ‘I never thought E-Coli could taste so good?’ Expect a porky, pesticide ammonia after taste to last for days.

The Levitt Lisciousthe only totally FREE burger, but you have to buy a drink.

The Jazzy FestivalThis burger will be discontinued next year.

The Arguliscious only available online, occasionally, expensive and not very filling.

The Stormland Telly Burger only good on a rainy day

The KSFDLTY Burgerincludes ingredients from all the food trucks in Sioux Falls and some of Shawn Cable’s hair gel.

The Brady Malliscious Pompaburger – Absolutely Fabulous Bitches!

The All of a Suddon Billie Burger – Just a half of ounce shy of a full pound of beef, but very Christian.

The DaCola bitter and full of sh*t.

The My Man Mayor Bowlcut and Bucktooth burger – full of more sh*t than my burger, but so incredibly polished you can see your reflection in the patty.



18 comments ↓

#1 Jean Claude on 01.12.20 at 12:34 pm

The Hemplicious – Possibly available in late 2020.

The DakotaWarBurger – It comes with a press release, which tells you how and what it’s made of, bullshxx.

The MethBurger – It’s so good, that everyone’s “ON IT.”

The PopeSlapper – “Where meat meets meat.”

The JensenBurger – If you can afford it, it will deliver itself to you.

The TIFBurger – You order it, while others have to eat it…..”I’ll gladly pay you down the road for a TIFBurger today”….

The RoadMasterBurger – It’s so slippery, that you’ll be in want of some salt from anywhere.

The NothingBurger – “A social media creation and sensation….”

The SouthMinnesotaAvenueBurger – You’ll be asking: “Where’s the beef?”

The TornadoBurgers – Three slicers that will leave you wanting and in search of some pizza and pancakes.

The ZombieBurger – “When freezer burn comes ALIVE”

The BorglumBurger – Ordered by some Democrats and fed to Republicans.

The NuanceBurger – Served only by waiter Dusty, who serves what you didn’t order, but he tells you to love it.

The NepotismBurger – Available to only the boss’s relatives.

The UkrainianBurger – “It’s so impeachable, that you can’t hold back forever….”

TheImitationDauminator – “It’s good enough for most Staters with ACTs of 18”

#2 scott on 01.12.20 at 12:43 pm

the alex jenson burger–made from whatever matt paulson tells it to be made of.

the nothing burger–another pth creation that deflects the issue of this burger to another burger.

the badlands speedway burger–buy this burger at the super inflated price the owner is asking, or he will tear it down and build a wildlife sanctuary on top of it.

#3 Anthony Renli on 01.12.20 at 12:44 pm

This sir, this is the funniest damned thing I have seen in a while. The Ironic Johnny Thunburg – that was freaking gold man.
I tip my cap to you.

#4 l3wis on 01.12.20 at 12:57 pm

I still laugh about the fact that DTSF censored a burger ‘name’. Ironically, it doesn’t even sound that good, and something I could whip up after stumbling home from the Bonus Round. But why would a taxpayer funded entity, censor a parody of an elected official? That’s double whammy on the 1st Amendment. Kristi Noem is idiot in chief, and DTSF should have embraced it.

#5 "name in quotes for no reason" on 01.12.20 at 1:37 pm

The Scot burger – Spelled wrong, bitter and angry.

#6 l3wis on 01.12.20 at 1:55 pm

Which brings me to the ‘Tom Sawyer’ burger, with one bite it says, ‘F’ck You’ and is mighty damn tasty.

#7 "Very Stable Genius" on 01.12.20 at 2:54 pm

The “name in quotes for no reason” burger, which used to be known as the “UnstableBurger.” It’s the same old thing and the powers-to-be just expect you to eat it and be happy.

#8 "name in quotes for no reason" on 01.12.20 at 3:35 pm

The “VSG” Burger – Nothing to add to the contest, yet still insists on saying something. Typically ignored.

#9 Theocratic Republic of SD on 01.12.20 at 3:53 pm

The Lar Burger – Tough as leather filled with brain eating worm eggs, when ingested will make anyone vile crazy and vile.

#10 Plausible Deniability on 01.12.20 at 3:59 pm

The Reisdorfer-Weisser Slider: stuffed with ground up auto parts and chopped poker chips, marinated in Crown Royal, likely to cause baldness, obesity, & arrogance w/a laxative finish for slimy job changes.

#11 Porter MoonBase Lansing on 01.12.20 at 10:24 pm

The Dakota Dunes Pink Slimer …. “Who ‘ya gonna call?”

#12 "Very Stable Genius" on 01.13.20 at 12:15 am

“Contest” or “content?”

“Nothing to add to the contest, yet still insists on saying something. Typically ignored.”

Yah right, that’s why you tried to steal my moniker through an attempt at misleading and general misinformation with the “Unstable
Genius” alias.

First, you thought you would hi-jack my alias, but have given up on that, and now you are just trying to ridicule commentators, because you can’t deal with the real facts that this blog site addresses.

You also practice a form of, or attempt to practice, I should say, intellectual chauvinism, where you attack the messenger through anal English critiquing, because you can’t debate the real message or discussion at hand.

“name in quotes for no reason,” plus “Unstable Genius” equal Donald Segretti politics.

( – and Woodstock adds: “If no one is listening to you and he claims some need an English lesson, or too, then what is he worried about?”…..”His actions just prove his fear and his wish to stifle discussion as well”….. #DonaldSegrettiPolitics

#13 “Name in quotes for no reason” on 01.13.20 at 9:58 am

You confuse “steal” with “make fun of”. Why would I “steal” something so dumb. The rest of your post… TL;DR.

#14 D@ily Spin on 01.13.20 at 10:45 am

Thanks but, it shouldn’t be this confusing to order a burger.

#15 D@ily Spin on 01.13.20 at 10:58 am

The ‘Huether Burger’. Huge but hollow. Credit cards for lettuce. Red ink for ketchup. Want small fry with that? Pay for it with FFF bonds.

#16 Jimmy Doxx on 01.13.20 at 11:15 am

The Eric McDonald Burger – Made from veal because he likes to use those young cows for his pleasure.

#17 "Very Stable Genius" on 01.13.20 at 1:00 pm

“Name in quotes for no reason,” you tried to steal it. You know it. If it and other things on this blog site were so “dumb,” then you would just ignore it, or us, but the fact you attack us speaks to our relevance. You, and your other “city and developer” friends are mere Nixonphiles at best.

You watch, if Jensen loses this spring, which he will, you and your comments will disappear, too.

#18 Rich on 01.13.20 at 9:47 pm

“The Powerful Pitty Patty – claims to be the best burger in the state, but kind of mysteriously tastes like fried cod.” – LMAO!! Very accurate, well done!

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