AG Rumblestrips resigns post to run the Wild Bill Driving School

Who says there isn’t a silver lining to every story?

While the pressure was put on by law enforcement officials, the governor and the legislature for Lil’ Janks Rumblestrips to resign as Attorney General it seems he decided to leave because of a great opportunity.

“Well, yeah, you know, yeah.” said Rumblestrips, “Yeah, they were considering me after I managed to only get a $500 fine after plowing over a man in a ditch after I was reading right-winger conspiracy theory websites on my phone. But what really convinced them was my $178 speeding ticket for going over 22 MPH a couple of days before my hearing.”

Board President of the driving school, Narc Podias, said, “It is one thing to deny you see a person go through your windshield, but to be speeding 20 miles over the speed limit just days from your hearing, that takes some serious balls, lack of brain cells or both!”

He of course has a different version of the story, “I’ll tell you what I told the officer, I didn’t see the speedometer or the speed limit sign, or the road for that matter, but was able to read some great tweets from Josh Hawley on my phone.”

Narc continues, “What makes him such a great candidate is as a high ranking Republican official in our state and the previous top law enforcement official, he is perfectly suited for teaching students how to drive like Bill drove, and how to bullsh!t your way out of it.”

Some of the courses include;

I thought it was a deer (that’s what she said)

Stop Signs? We don’t need no Stinkin’ Stop Signs

Blame the Diet Coke

It’s okay to speed as long as you pay your fines

Only agree to a breathalizer 15 hours after the incident

How to borrow a Sheriff’s car (when yours is totaled)

How to take the ‘R’ out of Murder

Play dumb

While Rumblestrips likely won’t be missed by our Governor and others in law enforcement, he will be a welcome addition to the Wild Bill Janklow Driving School team.



6 comments ↓

#1 Wayne Kerr on 08.31.21 at 8:32 pm

Alright, that’s funny. Well done.

#2 "Woodstock" on 08.31.21 at 10:05 pm

“There’s one more course you forgot about”….. ” – A steak and baked potato: How to prepare your diabetes defense.”

#3 D@ily Spin on 09.01.21 at 8:26 am

Make the speedometers kilometers per hour?

#4 Daisy Pushups on 09.01.21 at 10:07 am

That is not funny, I am 58 year old and I would not joke about people like that.

#5 l3wis on 09.01.21 at 8:37 pm

I agree 100%, it is not funny, it’s sad, and sometimes that is the purpose of a parody, to point out a tragedy unnoticed by using humor. For over a half a century we have allowed South Dakota Republican party and it’s elected officials to drive off the road and in the ditch and run us over, and we have let them get away with it every single time. I’m not laughing, and you are correct, you shouldn’t be either.

#6 "Woodstock" on 09.02.21 at 1:12 pm

“I wonder if Noem is haunted by speeding tickets and karma?”…. “Oh, that’s right, she’s too busy working on fireworks for Mt. Rushmore”….