The Gargoyle Leader really needs to quit doing food reviews. Seriously.

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Argus journalists are not even qualified to review fried chicken

Okay, I’m not going to defend UnoBologna. I could have told the reviewer that the food would be bland and ‘zestless’. What do you expect out of a Lebonese/French man making $6 calozones? Not exactly an Italian gourmet chef. But what irks me is how tasteless their reviews are. Take this part for instance;

I always enjoyed going to Uno Tomato for lunch – it was nearby, and the prices were good.

 

So, I was happy to see it reopened in a new location downtown, as UnoZoni Italian Kitchen. Unfortunately for them, however, it’s a few blocks south of the new Taste of the Big Red Apple restaurant.

 

If you want quick but just-decent Italian, you can get it at UnoZoni. But if you want homemade, authentic Italian, with a glass of wine to boot, Taste of the Big Red Apple wins.

Okay? WTF? Was this a review of Uno or a review of Big Red? I could understand mentioning a restaurant in another city for comparison, but one that is only three blocks away? Who edited this piece of shit review? What a bunch of garbage. I hope Ted calls the Gargoyle and chews ass. I also suggest he does what the Touch of Europe did a few years back, banned Argus journalists from eating in the place. I also find it an incredible conflict of interest to have a person who works at another popular downtown restaurant as a waitress writing food reviews. But we know the Gargoyle threw their code of ethics out the window years ago.

BTW- I have ate at The Big Red. I can sum it up quickly. The pizza was fantastic, but more midwestern then Italian, but the service was slow, the tables were dirty, the ambiance was shit and the place was cramped. It reminded me of a gas station deli eating area. I would suggest carry-out only.

This is how you write a food review, ‘Use descriptive language’

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Maybe the Gargoyle Leader should hire this freelancer;

Grille 26 offers an impressive brunch menu, filled with a variety of items, from omelets to French toast, as well as lunch items, including burgers, pizza and pasta.  I ordered the Harvest Hash, as the description in the menu read like a list of my favorite foods: artichoke hearts, mushrooms, sun-dried tomato, garlic and spinach.  My over-medium eggs were cooked perfectly.  The ingredients tasted fresh, and the combination of flavors was spot-on.

New Bistro Downtown? Sounds cool

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Being the city government nerd I am, I watch all the meetings. The last one was the planning commission meeting. At the end of the meeting they approved a conditional use permit for a new restaurant in the old location of the House of Soccer, formerly a taco joint, formerly a Brazilian joint, formerly the Hamburger Shop (best damn Wisconsin cheese soup in the world).

Rick Weiland’s wife Stacy Newcomb will be running the joint. Stacy heads up the State Theatre restoration project. I’m sure it will be a class joint. Rick and his wife are great people.
 
A motion was made by Meredith Larson and seconded by Kent Metzger to approve with the following conditions:
1.   Approval for this applicant only.
2.   A security management plan to be approved by the Police Department.
3.   Any proposed outdoor seating as related to the restaurant use will require review and approval by the City Planning Office
 
Motion Passed 8 – 0.

Fork the Argus Leader

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Not sure if you have read this ‘catty’ review in the Gargoyle Leader on March 19, but it seems someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed before going to eat, here’s some highlights of the review(?);

The small portions are just right for my appetite, but may be met with disdain by those who favor larger servings, especially considering the cost.

Because golly, who cares about taste and quality these days, I don’t care if it tastes like an old shoe, as long as I can get stuffed on $4.99.

The new décor features orange graphics reminiscent of the 1960s. I wasn’t a big fan then, not a fan now,

And who cares what what a skinny old washed up reporter thinks about interior design? It’s called using complimentary colors and has nothing to do with the 60’s.

Oversized flower arrangements punctuated the space, which offer an organic but slightly jarring feel. Orange poppies blend nicely with brown autumn foliage, but poppies bloom in spring.

Actually plastic flowers bloom all year.

I have avoided writing about the review, because I guess I have never taken the Gargoyle Leader’s restaurant reviews very seriously, ever since Jana ‘Cupcakes’ Farley gave four stars to the Pizza Ranch in Tea, or complained she wasn’t getting waited on at a deli counter. But it seems there has been quite a bit of buzz on the internet about the review, and how truly pathetic it was. The Secret Fork is a blog that has been around for about a year reviewing restaurants, and they rip the review apart, here is some highlights;

Some of you may recall my previous post about the deplorable job the AL and reporter Dorene Weinstein did with a review of Sai Gon Panda.  I swear, they need to start getting it right, or get out of the business of doing this altogether.  ”

Ms. Weinstein stuck a three-pronged fork right in the eye of 26 Grille with her review:
  • The service was a bit lacking
  • The food was “off”
  • The decor sucks

Regardless how experienced individual staff members might be, it takes a while to knock the kinks out of a new place.  Cut them some slack, you idiots.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go see how many references I can find to things that are “piping hot”, “yummy”, or “gooey” in a few dozen copies of Food & Wine or Gourmet.  “Piping hot.”  For Pete’s sake.
Have a good weekend.  Fork the Argus Leader.

I write to share my disgust with the food critique in the Link insert.

 

Specifically, I found the Thursday, March 19, article disheartening. I am immediately puzzled with the fact the Argus Leader reviews restaurants above all other business types. You do not publish a plumbing review or a grocery store review. Restaurants are, apparently, a point of fascination to your writing team.

I wish they would – there is a lot of robbers out there, especially some of the arborists involved with the blanket code enforcement and Project TRIM.

could be helpful if it gave the reader a factual description of the business. The reader could then decide for him or herself if the product type, if the price and if the ambiance is the sort that he or she enjoys.

Exactly! That is the point of a review. Tell us the size of the portion and the price, then we will decide if that is too expensive or not.

Why would the Argus Leader opt to publish negative stories about locally owned and managed businesses?

They do it everyday while sucking up to the franchises and big box stores. I have often said about Sioux Falls, “Over 400 restaurants and no place to eat.” Locally owned ones are usually the best ones for quality, and ambiance. Sometimes the service is a little off, but I have never had a bad meal at a locally owned restaurant.

Why not highlight small local business regardless of type and regardless of the product they sell? Why not amend your restaurant review and instead have a local business highlights section? Tell us about the local business men and women that work tirelessly to infuse our community with jobs and keep their door open despite the economy. I understand to write for a “reaction” generates sales. You have, however, lost future sales at my house.

And they wonder why subscriptions are in the toilet . . .