Entries Tagged 'COOL' ↓

The situation in Haiti is only going to get worse as time goes on. Respiratory illness and infection will kill more people in the coming weeks than the earthquake did.

Take a second away from drinking your morning starbucks & bottled water while reading this stupid blog on your fancy computer which runs on the electricity you take for granted, whip your phone out and text ‘HAITI’ to 90999. This will tack a much needed $10 onto your next wireless bill as a donation to the Red Cross.  You might have to share a meal next time you eat out at the Texas Roadhouse instead of getting your own texas toothpicks. But it will taste better, trust me.

That is all. Thank you.

There is a great Zombie Walk write up in the Argus Leader today.

There are two corrections I’d like to submit here:
1. The Zombie Walk starts at 6PM, not 5PM as stated in the article. You can get your makeup done by our crew of experts, Get Dead Inc., from 3PM – 5:30PM.

2. There is a 4th band that was omitted. The Blues Bashers are closing out the night.

A great photo spread in Newsweek (filthy liberal rag) about Russia in the early 20th century. Look at all the communists and their fancy buildings! All these pictures have been digitally restored to full color by a bunch of other pinkos.

While you all drool over your communist Motherland, Sally and I will be safe and sound when the day comes and they nuke your asses.

 

See ya later, fornicators!

Minuteman out.

Even with the economy in the shitter, alcohol sales are up. I felt compelled to share one of my favorite sites on the internets  Modern Drunkard Magazine out of Denver. It was THIS POST about how to infiltrate the “drys” that made me chuckle.  So here’s to all you teetotalers out there making our lives easier by following through and picking up our slack. I tip my glass to you.. or more specifically… away from you.. and down my throat.

No, I’m not talking about my penis.

Even if you’re sober, this toilet stall may literally scare the crap out of you.

Found this pic on Gizmodo.

This would be more awesome.

In ten words or less, sum up Douche Limbaugh’s existence, and the DNC will put it on a billboard in his home town…. and give you a T-shirt. Do you think they use Cafe Press too?

The only word I can think of is ‘douchenozzle’. Or should that be two words?

I can’t remember there being a point to any of it, but I thought it might be fun to run through the highlights.

For some reason I was at work on a Sunday and couldn’t check my voicemail. GoD stops by to use the shitter, and brought a ‘Post-Feminism-Lesbian-MAXIM-Assault-Weapon-Weekly’ magazine with him to read, but ends up leaving it on my desk. Inside the mag, instead of samples of perfume, there is a single prosthetic labia attached to an advertisement for vaginal reconstruction. For some reason I tear it out and start pretending it is a fake moustache, walking around and putting it up to peoples faces to see what they look like with ‘labia-lip’.  One of these people is my mom, who starts to freak out about the idea of fake mommy parts touching her face, when I reassure her that in reality I am holding a 4 foot long plastic iguana, and the very end of the tail was what I was pretending was the moustache. That is about the time that I notice that my voicemail light isn’t on anymore, and I start feeling like I’m choking and can’t breath. So I rush off to the bathroom, which is hard to find because for some reason I work in a giant building that is a cross between the YMCA, John Morrell, and the Old Courthouse. When I look in the mirror, there is a hair sticking out of my mouth. For the remainder of my dream, I am pulling huge hairballs out of my throat, stomach, sinuses and inner ear. Great big gobs of bathroom sink and tub drain type hairballs. They look like they’ve been steeped in soap scum and mold and they smell and taste about the same.

Someone walks in the bathroom and reminds me that it’s time to go bowling. It is at THAT POINT that I realize I’m dreaming… I don’t ever go bowling.. and that is what’s weird enough to wake me up.

I stumbled on this toon when I was researching internet piracy to report back to the appropriate authorities.