Entries Tagged 'Satire' ↓
December 30th, 2016 — 1st Amendment, Briggs Warren, Code Enforcement, County Commission, Darrin Smith, Dean Karsky, Democrats, Denny Sanford Premier Center, Developers, Development, Downtown Sioux Falls, Elections, Electoral College, Event Center, Green Energy, Greg Neitzert, Homeless, Homosexuals, Jeff Barth, Jim Entenman, John Paulson, Kermit Staggers, Liberals, Mayor High Crimes, Mayor Hubris, Mayor Subprime Mike Huether, Mike Huether, Mike Myers, Minnehaha County, Neo-cons, obama, Open Government, Open Meetings, Pam Nelson, Paratransit, Patrick Starr, Pay Day loans, Planning Commission, Political Satire, Potholes, Project TRIM, Property Taxes, protesters, Public Utilities, racism, Redistricting Sioux Falls, religion, REMSA, Republicans, Rex Rolfing, Rick Kiley, Ritch Noble, Road Funding, Sanford Hospital, Satire, Separation of Church and State, SF City Council, SF School District, SFFD, SFPD, Sioux Falls, Sioux Falls Parks and Rec, Smoking Ban, snow removal, Snowgates, South DaCola Fest, South Dakotans, Staggers, State Funding, Stop the Funding, Theocracy, Theresa Stehly, Thune, Town Hall Meetings, Unemployment, Walfart, Washington Pavilion, Wind Energy
ArtMaze, one of the better parts of Sioux Falls life in 2016
2016 has been a rough year for citizen activism. While it has been up and down here in Sioux Falls with many successes and failures to boot, it seems Washington DC has gone into full collapse as we allowed racist, sexist, hillbillies to elect our president.
READ ABOUT 2015 REVIEW HERE.
But locally there were three things that stood out;
• Governor Daugaard claiming that voters were ‘hoodwinked’ into voting for IM 22, then getting the Pierre (in)justice system to go along with it. Funny how for over 40 years voters have been voting his party into power, and no word about ‘hoodwinking’ but once that corrupt power will be challenged, all the voters are idiots. As one official told me that used to work for Dennis, it’s not the public that are idiots, it’s Dennis. And his idiocy has been shining through.
• The South Dakota Democratic Party’s bottom completely fell out, and the people in charge patted themselves on the back. Insanity I tell you! Insanity!
• But one of the greatest achievements of the year is the Sioux Falls City Council’s change of power. The four new councilors have been flexing their muscles with a little help from Councilor Erickson, and while they have had a few missteps to start out, they have been learning from the battle scars. While ‘leadership’ of the council (Rolfing and Kiley) seem to be on a two man mission to rubberstamp all things Huether, shut down public input, and concoct false ethics charges against a fellow councilor (until they got caught lying like the snakes they are) they are becoming more and more in check. The city council has many big plans for 2017, and I have a feeling their agenda will push through easily as our lame duck mayor melts.
Let’s take a look at some the finer high and low points of 2016;
• The Huether Tennis center continues to block parking from other event attendees at the Sanford Sports complex though they basically stole $500K from taxpayers for the facility. Throughout the year there was several reports on cones and signs blocking the lot with not cars in it. But hey Mike’s Bride won an award this year and seemed surprised she did, without commenting that her check to the organization that gave the award wasn’t returned.
• The Sioux Falls City Council leadership and mayor’s HR department pulled a military retiree out of their asses for city clerk, a person who will be in charge of our city elections and hasn’t been registered to vote for years. He also proved his knowledge of official stamps when he stamped a petition without even bothering to read it. While Mr. Greco has gotten better over the year, the city clerk position should not be a $80K+ a year job as an apprentice, sadly being trained by one of his assistant clerks who has ten times the qualifications and applied for the position but was turned down. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the council chair’s view of women in the work place.
• Speaking of letting the mayor’s HR department and Leadership’s Mutt and Jeff pick the next internal auditor, the council barked loud enough that they did not want another ‘Greco’ pick. Not sure if the barking worked, but the person who was set to take the job saw the writing on the wall and turned it down. Hopefully the person who ultimately gets the position won’t be turned down because they shave their legs.
• The city continues to blow money on the Winter Wonderland Display, but the way the mayor has been cutting budgets these days, I expect next year’s display to be a couple of homeless barrel fire pits, sponsored by the Dudley House of course.
• After posting about the ridiculous corporate like raises the mayor has been giving to his management team, he turns around and still screws the minions with dismal raises again this year. I think in a special note to the city employees on their Christmas paystub he wrote, “I don’t care.”
• The city continues the FREE condom distribution program at area bars, and for some reason Monk’s is always emptied the quickest. Coincidence that is also a favorite watering hole of city managers . . .
• The Tuthill shooting case becomes ‘inactive’ and a tree branch shadow gets off scott free.
• The Erp wrongfully calls out local massage therapists as prejudice because they pointed out the ‘shower massages’ that were taking place around town. Apparently someone got a bad fortune cookie that day.
• The car rental tax and BID tax grabby-grabby fails in Sioux Falls, but the state legislature passes one of the most idiotic tax increases ever so our teachers are now just tied for last instead of dead last in pay. Out hoodwinking governor already has plans to rob the pot only one year after its passage.
• Hartford’s city government was in a state of collapse. Who really cares?
• The Levitt Pavilion is moving forward in Sioux Falls. It will be nice watching outdoor concerts sitting in the grass while battery acid is boiling beneath our asses.
• The Boulevard ordinance changes went into effect. Now stop worrying about rocks and plant a garden.
• The Washington Pavilion got a change of leadership after Darrin Smith takes over as President. So far he has only eliminated one director, but I hear the blood-letting has just begun. Now let’s throw another couple of million at the place to fix the poor construction to begin with. That will never happen with the Events Center . . .
• The Events Center cracks down on outside snacks and guns at events. We are all now safe from cheap fat people shooting us, but not in the parking lot.
• The Pottie Room war starts in Pierre and is guaranteed to return in 2017.
• A state legislator calls transgender people ‘twisted’. Now I’m struggling with what word to use describing our state legislators?
• A city council candidate throws a hissy fit over a post I wrote about his wife’s involvement with the Jesus plows and after threats to my employer I pull the post. He ends up taking last place in the at-large race. How’s Jesus working out for you now?
• Due to health reasons, Kermit Staggers decides not to run for a 4th term on the city council. His endorsement of Stehly puts her over the top.
• One of the youngest candidates in city history runs for city council. I apologize to Briggs for all the shitty things I said about him during the campaign.
• The Argus Leader sues the city for the details in the secret events center siding settlement. The Argus loses the first round but it is headed to the SD Supreme Court.
• On a similar note, the SON neighborhood is also awaiting a judgement in their Walmart suit with the SD Supreme Court.
• While our Sioux Falls City Council approves the DAPL through Sioux Falls, it takes thousands of protesters in ND to actually stop it. Too bad our city council chair doesn’t understand how to vote.
• The Mayor and Q-Tip Smith screwup the DT parking ramp development by flapping their traps to soon, and the council later on in the year returns the favor and defunds the ramp all together for 2017. I still think the fiasco is what got Smith to seek refuge at the Pavilion.
• City officials throw a hissy-fit over Bruce’s camera at a city meeting we were invited to by then city councilor Kenny Anderson. Looking back on it now, I just chuckle.
• Former city councilor Dean Karsky and now commissioner elect has become the official endorser in Sioux Falls.
• Bruce and I do a presentation on voter turnout in Sioux Falls at Democratic Forum and one of the mayor’s buddy developers in Sioux Falls tries to shut us down. When he fails, he walks out. Another casualty to transparency.
October 12th, 2015 — Media, Satire, Sioux Falls
How I love good satire, and Mr. Summers nails it. I have a feeling though that some Argus readers may not get the joke;
If your child really disappoints, consider more severe options like the “I Never Loved You” award, or the “Most Worthless Excuse For A Child” certificate. Harsh? Maybe. But nobody said winning was easy.
I have a feeling the rebuttal letters from the humor challenged are going to be more entertaining then this article itself.
August 6th, 2015 — Democrats, Satire, South Dakotans
Don’t ask me how I get these things sent to me, but there is a lot of ‘leakers’ in the state party that have big mouths, how else do you think I got the name of the new ED of the party a day before her ‘big announcement’?
The rumor swirling for several weeks is that the state Dems are fed up with the mayor calling himself a Democrat, when he truly isn’t one. Here are some excerpts from the letter (yet to be sent to Hizzoner);
“Trust us, this isn’t easy to tell you this, but when you recruit Republicans to run for city council and convince the former ED to raise money for them, when you garner most of your campaign donations from Republicans, when you ignore the rising crime rates, when you turn your back on the poor and the handicapped, and when you blatantly ignore the social ills going on in your city and state, you sir, are not a Democrat. Heck, I don’t think you are even a Republican, more of a corporatist that is more concerned about the decisions you make hurting or helping the wallets of your (Republican) friends and your own investments.
Either start acting like a Democrat (in actions, not just in words) or get the Hell out of our state party.”
The letter continues from there basically stating that South DaCola made this whole thing up, but hey, is it that far-fetched? I told several prominent state Dems already they need to apply the Lora Hubbel rule to Hizzoner and give him the boot. While I’m sure there has been some serious consideration, like most things the Dems do in this state (besides initiatives) they have a little trouble pulling the trigger. Maybe if we gave them a 5 foot branch in a grove of trees they could pull it off?
January 21st, 2015 — Humor, Satire, SFPD, Sioux Falls
Hey little guys, you may have a fighting chance.
South DaCola News
By Samuel Coldsweat
The SFPD announced today that they have picked a specific officer to ‘thin the herd’ of deer in Sioux Falls.
“It just made sense to us that this officer needed a little target practice, and what a better way to get it, but to practice on some dumb animals running through the trees and snow?” says Police Chief Darth Cowbell.
Of course Cowbell was talking about Officer Antwon Dickle, who ironically got himself in a pickle in Butthill Park the day after New Years. Dickle shot 8(?) times at a suspect that he believed pointed a handgun at him in a dimly lit area.
“Handgun, I-Pod, Pringles can, slingshot, dildo, what have you, the officer acted on the threat, but we were disappointed he missed the target, so we figured he could practice in the field on real moving targets,” claims Cowbell.
We wondered about the safety of the neighborhood he is shooting in.
“We will have him doing this at night to get the feel of the Butthill incident, but we will also warn neighbors when he is in the area, because we highly suggest they board up windows and go out for dinner and a movie those nights.” warns Cowbell “Just don’t expect us to record his operations or tell you how many shots he has fired, or deer he has killed. The SFPD just doesn’t operate well when we are transparent about our actions and being scrutinized. Cloak of secrecy is the best way to roll.”
We wondered how much ammo Dickle would be given to accomplish eliminating 30 deer.
“We figured with his accuracy, it would take about 20 rounds per deer.” sighed Cowbell, “So we are warning the food banks in advance if they are serving the venison, that they caution consumers that they may bite into a little ‘shot’ . . uh . . . or NOT (chuckling). Yeah, we know we may have better luck jumping out of trees and clubbing the deers to death with pool cues, but I think Dickle is up for the challenge.”
Cowbell estimated it will probably take Dickle about 6 months to accomplish his goal, and at that time he will be awarded a merit badge and advance to Eagle Scout training.
THIS ARTICLE WAS SATIRE. BUT ON A SERIOUS NOTE, I AM WONDERING WHY THE SFPD IS EVEN DOING THIS? THE SD GF & P OFFICE HAS PROFESSIONAL STATE HUNTERS THAT USUALLY TAKE CARE OF THESE TASKS. THEY SHOULD BE RUNNING THE OPERATION, WITH THE SFPD IN TOW. STILL WONDERING WHY THE SFPD HAS HIGH POWERED RIFLES WITH SILENCERS IN THE FIRST PLACE? DON’T BE SURPRISED IF YOU SEE THEIR MILITARIZED VEHICLE ‘THE BEARCAT’ TEARING THROUGH YOUR YARD CHASING BAMBI.
October 29th, 2013 — Satire, SF School District, Sioux Falls
In an amazing, yet deserving move, the naming committee for the new school that will replace Mark Twain will be named after the presiding Super Homenn.
When one of the committee members was asked what the heck they were thinking by throwing out 200 suggestions and naming the school after a sitting super, she responded, “Thinking? Who needs to think when Homenn makes all the decisions for you? Besides, most of the suggestions (given to us from the super’s office) were for Homenn, or at least Homenn Like.”
While the over 200 suggestions that were presented to the committee were shredded, South DaCola, was able to dumpster dive into the instructional center’s recycling bin and hire an illegal immigrant to piece the paper shreds together (Thanks Sharif, hope you enjoy the McDoubles).
While Sharif wasn’t able to piece the entire list together, I did find a recurring theme within the first few pages;
Oprah Winfrey Elementary
P. Homenn Elementary
Equal Pay Elementary
Pam H. Elementary
Anis Nin Elementary
Mimi Van Doren Elementary (a very famous SD woman)
Well you get the picture, it looks like the committee had no choice but to name the school after Homenn. After all, it really was Homenn’s school to begin with. She recommended the consolidation of schools, hired a realtor to buy up houses in the area before the school board even approved the consolidation, had the School Board rubber stamp her recommendation (even though several parents objected) kept the naming committee she appointed secret, and shredded the over 200 suggestions that were made to the committee.
I feel good about the name change, after all, it’s about time we name a school after a living legend, rather than a dead one. Remember, Homenn has been a true rebel since her inception, first by breaking district rules by living out of the school district (because of her precious horses), denying sick kids a graduation ceremony, blaming the Shopping News for an anti-abortion ad in a sanctioned school directory that the communications director approved. Hiring two of her daughters to work at SE Tech, claiming it wasn’t nepotism because she isn’t the BOSS of SE, just the BOSS’s Boss of SE. She kept her contract a secret until state law made her reveal it, giving herself lavish benefits while denying raises to subs. I could go on and on about the other ‘infamous’ actions of Homenn, but I think the sub title underneath the actual signage at the school will say it all, “Well behaved women rarely make history.” And you can bet a Susan B. Anthony coin the community will embrace this name to.
*This was satire. No Susan B. Anthony coins or horses were damaged during the writing of this article.
September 15th, 2013 — Humor, Satire, SF City Council, Sioux Falls
The mayor’s wife, Sandy Chuether is pretty excited, I mean you would be to if the city fronted you a cool half-mil to write a cook book about all things “Soo Foo” or as Sandy says, “Soo Food!” Whether it’s Stormland TV‘s anchorman Jorgi’s famous lamb chislic recipe from the Turner County Fair or AL‘s Horney Meyer’s 6 patty cheeseburger from ‘5 Peeps Burgers’ (do you get the irony? 5 guys? 6 patties?) or her personal favorite, the Tennis Ball Meatball, “You know, it’s like, literally the size of a Tennis Ball!”
Well Sandy ain’t happy, and when Sandy ain’t happy, daddy sleeps on the couch. It seems Sandy wants more money from the CVB to promote her cookbook. In a telepathic message obtained by SouthDacola (no Dolphins were injured in the procedure) Sandy asked the city attorney if it was ok to use CVB marketing money to promote her fundraising for the new cookbook,
“BEEP< BEEP<BEEP<BROTTLE<SNAP<CLINK, ‘Darwin Faddle, are you there? Wondering if you would like to discuss with me using CVB money for promoting my cookbook? There is a Lemon bar in it for you! SNART<CLART<CLING<WALLOOP”
Being the Dolphin safe tuna eater that he is, Darwin responded, “Hard question, I will job that one out to the local Walmart attorneys, uh, I mean, our attorneys.” Which is still under consideration.
Which brings us to why she did this cookbook, “Well, you know, I don’t really do much these days except go to a lot of real estate closings (ever since my husband transferred all of his investments into my name) so I decided to steal . . . um . . . I mean, compile a bunch of friend’s recipes.”
“And you know, the tennis ball meatball is a fantastic recipe, it’s great comfort food for someone recovering from running into a fence pole after chasing a clearly out of bounds ball.” She laughs, “You know, I told him (the mayor) he should be playing pickleball at his age anyway.”
The controversy comes from Sandy asking the CVB to help fund the marketing of the cookbook (even though she already received $500K ‘seed’ money for the book from the city and asking for $1.5 million in donations to finish the project.
When we asked Sandy about the marketing money, she was quite candid, “Kinda ironic, isn’t it? Our local media ‘investigating’ me about asking for a couple grand to promote my cookbook, but they didn’t say a peep about the mayor’s wife asking for $500,000 publishing seed money, and the council approving it? Heck, they even invited me on their live programs to talk about it (of course without mentioning I was the mayor’s wife).”
“While I think it is awesome you are doing your due diligence on this matter, you must realize most people don’t care, so go back to writing about bicycles, vandalized gardens, or whatever you do.”
So we asked Sandy to explain to us, what she planned to do with the cookbook, once finished. “Give it to disadvantaged young tennis players, of course. Because as my husband says to me, ‘Greed is the Day God has given to you. Suck it f’ing dry!’ “
This is a parody of Ellis’ story today in the AL. It has always bugged me that the AL didn’t cause a stink about the CLEAR conflict of interest that existed when this money was awarded.
February 27th, 2012 — Railroads, Satire, Sex, SF City Council, shit found, Sioux Falls
Not sure, better ask the City’s media department, maybe they can explain (click on the PDF document).
Found this slide in the presentation. Maybe genitalia and RR’s have a lot in common?