Dear Mr. I3wuss: I am not married myself, but my Aunt Bertha and Uncle Rusty are – and I take offense when you say that life ends at marriage. The kind-hearted folks at the UNruugggghh’s Alpo Center does not state that in their mission statement, and if you NEXT TIME (3rd time is the charm) VOTE YES for LIFETIME, you will some day live a wonderful life in using your baby-making processes in planting seeds and laying eggs so that neither marriage or baby-making will end. Actually, the end is not near for neither, but very far away. Like as far away as the time my neice Nellie’s boyfriend, Petey Schwetty, after impregnating the Nugent neice neighbor, Creamy, drove 13 states away to hide out for about 2 1/2 years while pee-oed Ned and Jed searched for Petey so they could shoot him in the butt-hole for lighting the virginus bun-fire in her oven. It just so happened (just before Petey left town to hide) that Creamy Nugent ended up scraping out the baby from her anginal area because it gave her a tummy-ache. Now, Petey and the Nugent brothers have since made up, spend a lot of time drinking beer together, and are frequently seen around town shopping antique malls on their quest to collect salt and pepper shakers.
Life does not end at birth.
Nope, just when you get married.
Dear Mr. I3wuss: I am not married myself, but my Aunt Bertha and Uncle Rusty are – and I take offense when you say that life ends at marriage. The kind-hearted folks at the UNruugggghh’s Alpo Center does not state that in their mission statement, and if you NEXT TIME (3rd time is the charm) VOTE YES for LIFETIME, you will some day live a wonderful life in using your baby-making processes in planting seeds and laying eggs so that neither marriage or baby-making will end. Actually, the end is not near for neither, but very far away. Like as far away as the time my neice Nellie’s boyfriend, Petey Schwetty, after impregnating the Nugent neice neighbor, Creamy, drove 13 states away to hide out for about 2 1/2 years while pee-oed Ned and Jed searched for Petey so they could shoot him in the butt-hole for lighting the virginus bun-fire in her oven. It just so happened (just before Petey left town to hide) that Creamy Nugent ended up scraping out the baby from her anginal area because it gave her a tummy-ache. Now, Petey and the Nugent brothers have since made up, spend a lot of time drinking beer together, and are frequently seen around town shopping antique malls on their quest to collect salt and pepper shakers.
Sincerely,
EggBert ,/.’;][=-0987654321
Not sure I have ever heard a story that involved Ted Nugent, Abortion and Salt & Pepper Shakers.
EggBert, you really need to put a book of these letters together – or better yet, start sending them to the Argus’ editor.
Marriage ain’t half bad, Lewie. You just have to avoid marrying a total b*tch like a few of my friends have.
And one with nice toes!