South DaCola’s guide to a fun (but not always safe) JazzFest

Okay, this is my ‘Event’ of the year. In fact I can’t even remember how many years I have been going, I think like 10. But who cares. Most would agree that the people watching is the best part of JF, but there is some good music to. Nothing like seeing a bunch of D-Bag Republicans in their Tommy Bahama shirts pretending they are cool drinking Bud Lights with their over-tanned trophy wives. I digress. I have often preferred standing by the main stage and seeing the burnt-out drunk middle-aged hippies dance. Pretty soon that will be me! Woo-Hoo!

Okay enough of the stupid bullshit. Before I talk about the great music this year, we have to go over Detroit’s checklist;

– Ride your bike to JazzFest. Not only does this save you time and money, if there is a good South wind you can coast home. There is also a FREE bike corral that has security watching it.

– If the only time of the year that you drink shit American beer is at JF, you’ll have to load up on mini bottles of 99 Apples. Goes great with Coca-Cola or Sprite.

– Wear a hat, bring a hankee for brow sweat and carry wetnaps (don’t ask)

– Don’t sit in one place unless you are drinking FREE beer or eating FREE food (like I will be) Suck on that bitches!

– Stay for the whole thing. Don’t wuss out. If you come at like 1 PM on Saturday, stay the whole day. If you get tired, shower yourself with bug spray and take a siesta by the river.

– Try to refrain from saying things you’ll regret. I fail at this one every year. It usually takes me a few weeks to make amends after JF. Like I have said before, I have never made any new friends at JF, but I sure have lost quite a few at the event. Don’t cry for me Argentina!

– And lastly, and most importantly, if you are a hottie (of the female kind) please wear tight lowrider hot pants shorts and a tank top. Besides the stupid yuppies, hippies and zitty teenage boys, I need to have something to look at.

NOW FOR THE MUSIC

I’m pleased to say Sioux Falls best blues band, the Blues Bashers will be opening JF. This rocks, because while everyone is coming to the event they will hear the sweet licks of my best bud, and SF best guitarist Jesse Christen tearing it up. This year the BB will be joined by of course Bobby Berge on drums, Terry Brooks on keys and vocals, Derek Snow on blues harp and lead vocals and Sam Irish on bass (if you have never seen Sam play, he is the God of bass regionally, from Sioux City, and he is really fucking tall!)

blues-bashers

Blues Bashers – 6 PM – Friday

Friday night also has a bunch of other crap going on, but who cares.

Saturday afternoon starts out with my favorite Jazz fusion band, The Bad Plus, currently kicking ass and taking numbers. Unfortunately, they are playing in the afternoon on Saturday (they should have had a better slot) but they are totally worth seeing. They would be a kickass band to eat mushrooms to . . . I’m just saying.

thebadplus-2009-photo-by-john-christenson-150x150

The Bad Plus – 4:30 – Saturday

The last two performers of Saturday are pretty kickass, to say the least. Keb Mo will heat up the crowd and Lil Brian will smoke your socks off. I will have to admit, it is about time JF had a fire breathing dragon as a closer. I love Zydeco, which is a hot rod version of polka, jazz, blues, Ska, creole, reggae or you name it, the jumbalaya of music, and Brian rips it up. It might be so hot the hippies may leave, or their hemp jewelry will catch on fire.

keb-mo2

Keb Mo – 8 PM

lil-brian

Lil Brian – 10 PM – Closer!

SECOND STAGE NOTABLES

Coltcockers – 6 PM – Friday (think college progressive band, but a bunch of old guys) They remind me a little of ‘Tapes & Tapes’

The Body Electric – 4:30 – Saturday (Rich Show’s latest project – heard they are good)

Truth & Adapt – 6 PM – Saturday (This time slot kicks ass, because I can watch them instead of main stage) Of course, big time Sioux Falls Hip Hoppers!

JAZZFEST UNOFFICIAL JUKE JOINTS

The Blues Bashers will be playing the American Legion Friday and Saturday from 9:30 – 1:30 AM

Jazz Guitarist Mike Miller will be playing the Touch of Europe Friday and Saturday from 9 – 1:30 AM

I suggest you see both acts if you are not to drunk!



12 comments ↓

#1 l3wis on 07.16.09 at 3:15 pm

I just noticed I say kickass a lot in this post. cool.

#2 Papa on 07.16.09 at 3:55 pm

Any advice on hemp use at this event?

#3 Zed de la Muerte on 07.16.09 at 4:16 pm

and every time you hear or read “Sioux Falls Zombie Walk” when they are announcing the sponsors, scream “BRAAAIINS!!!”

Yes… Free beer… enough said!

#4 l3wis on 07.17.09 at 6:38 am

Papa- I try not to give cops any tips.

#5 l3wis on 07.17.09 at 6:57 am

Kelo actually did a cool story about local music

http://www.keloland.com/videoarchive/index.cfm?VideoFile=071609jazzfest

#6 Angry Guy on 07.17.09 at 7:06 am

Papa, this is a family friendly event so leave your ganj at home.

I know for a fact that the SFPD will have plain clothes officers EVERYWHERE out at Jazzfest this weekend. If you spark up anywhere within eyeshot of people, you’ll get busted.

#7 skybluesky on 07.17.09 at 7:12 am

Coltcockers “a bunch of old guys” ?!?! Hey C’mon! Ohhh…I guess you’re right. Appreciate the mention…See you at Jazz Fest.

#8 l3wis on 07.17.09 at 7:13 am

Well said, AG.

#9 l3wis on 07.17.09 at 7:41 am

Sky-

Just busting balls, besides you guys are the same age as me. I’m old.

#10 BeerJew on 07.17.09 at 10:25 am

I remember our friend Shon summed up Jazzfest with two words “Tattoos and Cellulite”.
That simple statement has kept me away from ever attending a Jazzfest. That and the fact I live 300 or so miles away.

#11 l3wis on 07.17.09 at 1:57 pm

BJ-

It is not like that anymore, one of my friends coined it ‘Skinfest’ a few years ago, and he isn’t talking about actual skinheads.

Funny you bring up Shon, I’m helping him out with a project, I can’t say anything about it now, kind of on the lowdown, but hopefully this Fall he will be rolling on it, should be cool.

#12 Ghost of Dude on 07.17.09 at 3:32 pm

I know for a fact that the SFPD will have plain clothes officers EVERYWHERE out at Jazzfest this weekend. If you spark up anywhere within eyeshot of people, you’ll get busted.

Seriously. How hard is it to get high and THEN come to Jazzfest? I usually get a good (alcohol) buzz going at home and then maintain it with beers at Jazzfest. This does, however, require a sober driver or being within walking distance of either the park or a high school.

Leave a Comment