Entries Tagged 'The Ugly Table' ↓
Ugly Table #75
January 28th, 2013 — Food, Poetry, The Ugly Table
Ugly Table #74
January 11th, 2013 — Food, Poetry, The Ugly Table
F’k off Democrats
Me: I think I know your dad, great guy.
Customer 1: Thanks
Customer 2 (across the table from customer one): It’s too bad he is a Democrat (in a snotty voice)
Me: What’s wrong with that? (Then I walked away.)
Customer 2 (under her breath): F’ck Off.
Scott L. Ehrisman (c) 1/11/2013
Ugly Table #73
January 2nd, 2013 — Food, Poetry, The Ugly Table
The Round Up Tip
The round up tip is usually not good, but this guy must only figure out his checkbook in increments of $50.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 1/2/13
Ugly Table #72
November 16th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
Customer: “I’m glad to see you are in a good mood. The hostess who sat us was not.”
Me: She is never in a good mood. I nicknamed her, “FREE Appetizer.”
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 11/16/12
Ugly Table #71
October 14th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
Customer: I can’t cut thru this steak.
ME: Maybe you have a dull knife?
C: No, it is really tough.
I take the offending steak back to the grill chef . . .
ME: Customer is saying they can’t cut thru this steak.
After closer inspection by the chef he says,
“Does he realize this is a T-Bone and there is a bone down the center of the steak that apparently he is trying to cut thru by these apparent steak knife marks.”
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 10/14/12
Ugly Table #70
September 2nd, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
(Overheard by the host stand)
Four elderly patrons approach the host stand and make a request,
“Can we get a table as closest to the bathroom as possible?”
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 9/2/12
Ugly Table #69
August 26th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
POINTLESS
Yes, someone at work decided that putting an empty milk carton into a very tiny paper receptacle was a good idea.
Remember, The Ugly Table is almost 90% customers, and 10% co-workers.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/25/12
Ugly Table #68
August 17th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
What are you? Three years old?
Customer: I will take a salad, only iceberg, dressing on the side.
Me: Only iceberg? Nothing else?
Customer: Yes.
I bring an iceberg wedge slice to his table (this is how our iceberg salads are served).
Customer: Well, you could have cut it up for me.
Me: Sir, in that rolled-up napkin you will find a knife and fork.
And I walked away.
I wanted to say, “Do you need me to cut up your steak for you in little itzy-bitzy bite size pieces to? Maybe we can run your sweet potato thru a blender? Do you need a high chair and a bib?”
Grow up.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/17/12
Ugly Table advice
July 12th, 2012 — The Ugly Table
This school stumbled across my ‘Ugly Table’ prose and sent me this handy guide on tipping;
Ugly Table #67
June 27th, 2012 — Poetry, The Ugly Table
A customer (bragged) pointed out to me that she was tipping me with a two-dollar bill (On a $30 tab).
I said ‘Thanks.’ in the most melancholy voice I could muster.
I wanted to say,
“You know what a two-dollar bill is worth?”
“Two dollars!!!!!!”
I wonder if she tips a silver dollar for $15 tabs?
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 6/27/12
