Ugly Table #70
l3wis 
(Overheard by the host stand)
Four elderly patrons approach the host stand and make a request,
“Can we get a table as closest to the bathroom as possible?”
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 9/2/12
The Ugly Table
Ugly Table #69
POINTLESS
Yes, someone at work decided that putting an empty milk carton into a very tiny paper receptacle was a good idea.
Remember, The Ugly Table is almost 90% customers, and 10% co-workers.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/25/12
Ugly Table #68
What are you? Three years old?
Customer: I will take a salad, only iceberg, dressing on the side.
Me: Only iceberg? Nothing else?
Customer: Yes.
I bring an iceberg wedge slice to his table (this is how our iceberg salads are served).
Customer: Well, you could have cut it up for me.
Me: Sir, in that rolled-up napkin you will find a knife and fork.
And I walked away.
I wanted to say, “Do you need me to cut up your steak for you in little itzy-bitzy bite size pieces to? Maybe we can run your sweet potato thru a blender? Do you need a high chair and a bib?”
Grow up.
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/17/12
Ugly Table advice
This school stumbled across my ‘Ugly Table’ prose and sent me this handy guide on tipping;
Ugly Table #67
A customer (bragged) pointed out to me that she was tipping me with a two-dollar bill (On a $30 tab).
I said ‘Thanks.’ in the most melancholy voice I could muster.
I wanted to say,
“You know what a two-dollar bill is worth?”
“Two dollars!!!!!!”
I wonder if she tips a silver dollar for $15 tabs?
S. L. Ehrisman (c) 6/27/12