(Overheard by the host stand)

Four elderly patrons approach the host stand and make a request,

“Can we get a table as closest to the bathroom as possible?”

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 9/2/12


Yes, someone at work decided that putting an empty milk carton into a very tiny paper receptacle was a good idea.

Remember, The Ugly Table is almost 90% customers, and 10% co-workers.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/25/12


What are you? Three years old?

Customer: I will take a salad, only iceberg, dressing on the side.

Me: Only iceberg? Nothing else?

Customer: Yes.

I bring an iceberg wedge slice to his table (this is how our iceberg salads are served).

Customer: Well, you could have cut it up for me.

Me: Sir, in that rolled-up napkin you will find a knife and fork.

And I walked away.

I wanted to say, “Do you need me to cut up your steak for you in little itzy-bitzy bite size pieces to? Maybe we can run your sweet potato thru a blender? Do you need a high chair and a bib?”

Grow up.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 8/17/12


A customer (bragged) pointed out to me that she was tipping me with a two-dollar bill (On a $30 tab).

I said ‘Thanks.’ in the most melancholy voice I could muster.

I wanted to say,

“You know what a two-dollar bill is worth?”

“Two dollars!!!!!!”

I wonder if she tips a silver dollar for $15 tabs?

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 6/27/12