“Who even has a body like that?!”

Okay, you often see images of models in the grocery store magazines, and think to yourself, “This shit doesn’t exist in real life.”

Well, tonight, I saw it.

I won’t even describe the outfit (which was modest to a point), or the girl’s body, that’s for some smutty magazine.

But when I pointed her out to one of my (Male) co-workers, he titled this piece.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 5/19/12



Excerpt from an online complaint;

“While our waiter was nice, he wasn’t really with it. And I couldn’t really figure out why everyone (staff and manager) were gathering around a particular table (A guy with long hair, middle-aged and overweight) like he was the proverbial ‘Pied Piper’ or ‘cult favorite.’

Gary is a regular who comes in about 4-5 times a week and many of the servers sit and talk to him (I try not to) so they can get out of working, I assume. The amazing part about Gary is that there is nothing special about him. He’s a truck driver by trade, dresses like Homer Simpson, and is basically full of shit. Glad a customer took notice. Other then that, the only thing interesting about him is that he tips 40%.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 3/16/12


I.D. Please

As she was trying to find her license her birth control pills flew out of her purse onto the table. Her face turned red and she smiled at me.

And I said, “Proper ID please.”

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/24/12

I could write a book to . . .

$54 dollar tab

$45 coupon

$9 on credit card

$3 cash tip

I asked the table if there was something wrong with my service. And one of the gentlemen said, “No. But I appreciate your honesty. You are proud of the service you give.”

Then as I turn the corner walking away he says to the rest of the table, “I told you I could write a book about this place.”

In which I almost turned around and said, “And I could write a book about the cheap unappreciative people that I have to wait on, like yourself, but instead I just think I will make you the subject of another entry of The Ugly Table.

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/24/12



Fellow server, “Okay, we are going to sing happy birthday to Allison, and she is just adorable.”

Me, “What if Allison was ugly, would you have told us?”

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/9/12


Customer; “It’s been a long time since we have gone out for dinner, and we truly appreciate your recommendations. The food is wonderful. You are a really good server.”

Me; “I know.”

S. L. Ehrisman (c) 2/6/12