Every time I see the below commercial I am so frustrated by the end I could care less about the product they are selling. While big name musical artists (and their estates) have been selling their songs to TV commercials for years I am still trying to figure out what Nina Simone’s version of ‘Sinnerman’ has to do with using a cell phone. Nothing. Shame on her estate for selling a classic song to push cellphones, don’t you think that product has caused enough problems the way it is? One wonders if they paid anything for it though, since ‘Sinnerman’ is a traditional Reggae folk song that has been redone by many musical groups over the years, even though her version is the best.
I know it’s a real reach for me to post something that I think is stupid or that I absolutely hate. Today will be no different. Every year all of you mouth breathing sheep work yourselves into consumerist frenzies for “the big game”. The chips and salsa I buy at Hy-Vee have a team logo on them. The gas I pump into my shitty car is the official fossil fuel of the NFL and I think I’ll puke if I see one more fat asshole wearing a Steelers jersey he picked up at Kohl’s just to wear today to prove that he knows who’s in the game and maybe people will think he’s a hardcore fan.
All professional sports suck. I’m not just pointing my finger at the NFL, although I will say they have a market share of fanatic butt wads that even NASCAR™ is envious of. Today isn’t really about the football. Deep down somewhere behind all of the marketing and overpriced commercial spots there is a game of strategy and skill. But that isn’t the reason millions of you are tuning in today. Sure, you’ll watch the game and cheer when someone makes a play worth cheering for. If you are with a group of people today, whether its in a bar or sitting at home on your couch, make a mental note to observe the way a room snaps to attention when the first set of commercials come on. We, myself included, have been programmed to consume, and today we’ll worship at our HDTV alters and anoint ourselves with crappy Americanized beer and finger food. Doritos Sanctos Cheezypoofs.
So drink your Budweiser and eat your hot wings like a good boy, and I’ll pretend I care when it’s all you can talk about tomorrow at work.
If you liked Seinfeld, you will love this show. The premise is very similiar, a group of people who have no friends besides themselves. Charlie is definately the Kramer of the bunch, and Frank (Danny Devito) is George. Dee of course is Elaine and Dennis is Jerry. I haven’t figured out where Mac fits in, but he works well.
Before my Aunt Bertha left for Alaska on the mission to steal Hotty Toddy Paladin from the GOP V.P. candidate (although in her last smoke signal she announces that she may now shift her sights on one Leon Johnstone, the young and frisky, very handsome and strong farm boy fiance’ of Pistol, the young and innocent non-frisky, well-educated, sexually-abstaining daughter of the Paladins), she advised us to continue viewing Just The Facts of Life on our local educational television network, CPM (the Christianly People Media) on Channel 21 each Sunday morning divinely between 10:30 and 11:00 A.D. So, in following her spiritual guidance, our entire family (except for Gramps Grumpa and Uncle Rusty, who are gradually becoming atheit-tic in their unGodly walk in life, chosing to instead watch from afar – outside on the backyard patio – drinking beer and smoking cigars while discussing trivial un-newsworthy, non-biblical EVIL matters such as current events and politics, science and science fiction, and peace without war – or as Granny Gumption calls it – FREAKIN’ FANTASY) sits down in front of our 101-inch TV after returning from Sunday-morning Massive at our beloved Pastor Steve’s Church of the Late Gate – (see recent photo below of Massive ceremony illuminating SAVED and counseled sexual-crisis issue victims honoring Pastor Steve’s crusading exploits):
This morning, we found ourselves entranced as this episode of Just The Facts of Life cranked it up a notch. Today’s show (surely to be an emmy-award nominated one) was about a series of mysterious children’s books, created by a non-patisan, humble yet Christian, non-self-promoting professional SD home-grown team of writers and artists who travel across this beloved state of SD in a journey of searching for actual and factual evidence – unique to South Dakota not found anywhere else on the planet – on the mission to locate items that differentiate our state from all other crappy states – thus, once again proving that we do indeed live in the land of divine and infinite variety.
This TV program explained to us that our beloved SD has special items and rare artifacts such as rocks (see photo below), trees, and corn.
What a perfect utopian state of society we live in! Get out there and buy up these wonderful Christianly SD factual mysterious books to celebrate Christmas and to continue our beloved President Bush’s call to stimulate our minds and help continue the GOP’s strong economy as well stimulating the economy of the book’s creators so they can create more mysterious SD factual books.
God Bless all Mid-west GOP-voting loyalist Americans who create such SD factual books and quality SD factual TV programming!
EggBert Tibe. Fran. Icha. Goof.and most family members and neighbors
SIOUX CITY, IA — The Dakota Wesleyan Tigers and Morningside Mustangs split an NAIA college baseball doubleheader in Sioux City, Iowa on Sunday afternoon. The Mustangs won the opening game 13-5. Brandon Oropeza went 2-3 with an RBI while Reed Harter also added a pair of hits. The Tigers salvaged the finale with a 10-9 […]
Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr speaks to members of the media in Portland, Ore., Sunday, April 23, 2017. Kerr announced he won't be on the sidelines for the NBA basketball team's Game 4 playoff game against the Portland Trail…
Atlanta Hawks' Paul Millsap, right, gets five from Taurean Prince after drawing a foul from the Washington Wizards during Game 3 of an NBA basketball first-round playoff series Saturday, April 22, 2017, in Atlanta. (Curtis Compton/Atlanta Journal-Constitution via AP)