Earth Day + the first really nice day of the year = a bike trail clogged with slow walking looky loos. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for you going outside and enjoying the beautiful day that was today. However, you should memorize and follow a few simple rules first.

All the Boys Love Mandy Lane move

1. No matter how much you love your hetero-life-mate you need to make yourself aware of your surroundings. The bike path occasional has bikes on it. Know this.

2. Stay to the right. It’s simple. Do it. I don’t care if you’re a tattooed shirtless sex machine who doesn’t give a shit about the rules. The next time you stare me down while loping directly at me I’m going to leave tire marks on your forehead. That’s not a good look for you.

3. Say something like “on your left” or “passing you on your left” when you pass slower traffic. Likewise if someone says “on your left” or even “passing on your left” don’t jump all startled to your left. This ruins the effectiveness of the whole “on your left” phenomenon.

Wifey says it’s time to go get earthy. Follow the rules.

hetero-life-mate bikers
hetero-life-mate bikers
21 thoughts on “Happy Earth Day. Now look out!”
  1. No shit. I started riding bike to work last week and as usual I have to endure this. The bike trail is like a road, stay to your right. What cracks me up is the same women who blab to their power walking friend (about American Idol) on the bike trail while walking down the middle of the trail are the same who blab on their cellphones while driving down the middle of the road. Do I detect a trend? We can’t escape them even when we are being envirotards.

    At least I can see MILF’s butts on the bike trail.

  2. I noticed the parking lots along the trail were very busy with people getting bikes out of the back of thei SUVs.
    It really made me wonder if there was perhaps a more efficient way to get one’s bike to the trail…

  3. That always makes me laugh to, considering that most people probably would not have to ride to far to get on the trail – but hey, then you couldn’t buy that cool bike rack and all.

  4. I actually understand the whole “drive your car to the trail” concept because where I live there isn’t a good way to get to the trails without pissing off a lot of other people.

    Technically you aren’t supposed to ride on the sidewalk, so that means riding down 57th street which I’m sure would impress people as I go over the I-29 overpass while they are trying to drive 45mph.

    It is merely a safety issue. If we had some bike lanes on the busier streets it might be a tad easier.

    Also note however that technically our city trails are not “bike” trails. I know that is what everyone calls them, but they are not just for bikes. Of course that I mention it AG will probably say I’m being too picky and come up with some grammertard label for me now.

  5. Other cities call them recreational trails. I don’t have a problem with people using them for other recreation besides biking, I just can’t understand why people think it is okay to walk down the middle of them? The trail is plenty wide in most areas to accomodate all kinds of traffic but people need to be more conscious of their surroundings.

  6. One could say the same about trying to walk down an aisle at the Empire Mall.

    What’s that? Your cell phone is ringing so you and your gaggle of kids need to stop in the middle of the aisle with your double wide stroller while they suck on their Orange Juliuses and you dig into your gigantic purse in search of your phone with the “Hey Ya” ringtone? Heaven forbid we pull to the middle where they have benches and GTFO of the way…because that would – you know – indicate you care about other people and understand what the term courtesey is all about.

    Never underestimate the sheer lack of thoughtfulness of your fellow human beings.

  7. Technically you aren’t supposed to ride on the sidewalk, so that means riding down 57th street which I’m sure would impress people as I go over the I-29 overpass while they are trying to drive 45mph.

    That’s why I started riding on the sidewalks on the second day I biked to work. The trails were great in the morning, but trying to ride up 49th st. between 7:30 and 8:00 sucks. I don’t trust the idiot drivers in this town not to run me over.
    I doubt anyone will say anything to you about riding on the sidewalks. Unless you have a road bike that you can steadily ride the speed limit on side streets, it isn’t worth it.

  8. You would know.

    Maybe if you didn’t look like such a dirty hippy they wouldn’t bother you.

  9. Khaki pants, a golf shirt, loafers, sunglasses, and a blue-tooth headset would pretty much obsolve you from any police attention.

  10. OK. I just got off the phone with SFPD Traffic dept, and the officer I spoke with said there are NO LAWS restricting bicycles on sidewalks anywhere in Sioux Falls. He said that the only consideration is that a bike must stop at intersections before crossing a street. Otherwise they are considered a pedestrian just like a walker, and those same laws apply. I love calling the PD for trivia…

  11. I use my telemarketer voice.
    “Hi, My name is Rusty Shakelford and I have a question about your bicycle laws here in Sioux Falls.”

  12. Just wait till the real Rusty Shackleford shows up and demands that you quit using his name in vane.

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