EggBert Family & Friend 2008 Thankful List:
On this wonderful Thanksgiving Day, my family and friends want to wish you allÂ a glorious, utopical,Â crisis-freeÂ Holiday of love, food, and football (don’t watch the news today, because nothing important happens on Turkey Day!).Â Each family member submitted their short list of what they are each thankful for this year â€“ 2008:
â€œTHIS THANKSGIVING, IÂ AM THANKFUL FORâ€¦â€
Petey Schwetty:Â Chicks, especially ones who like toÂ feel the heat ofÂ Petey’s pistol.
Neighbor Ned Nugent:Â Guns, so I can shoot things likeÂ deer, andÂ darkies.
Granny Gumption:Â Coffee cans to pee in, President George W. Bush,Â and Pastor Steve.
Uncle Rusty:Â My family and friends (though nutjobs), and for good citizens like this one for stepping up to the plate â€“ http://beta.argusleader.com/article/20081122/VOICES09/811220319/-1/archive
Neighbor Creamy Nugent:Â Young fertile menÂ with lots of money,Â assortedÂ condoms,Â and big penile units.
Niece Nellie:Â Nice young boys like my loving boyfriend, Petey, who takes care ofÂ his girlfriends (like me) by impregnating them and sending them to the Unruugggggh’s Alphabet Center for abstinence education.
Gramps Grumpy Gump:Â Homeland Security government terrorist color chart alert safety systems soÂ insurgents won’tÂ blow upÂ the United States or India.
Aunt Bertha:Â What the Hell else? AÂ sweet, chiseled snow-machine man likeÂ Hotty Toddy Paladin. Yummy!!!
Neighbor Jed Nugent:Â White people, and cute, cuddly white poodles.
Sister-nephew Leslie Steve Allen Brandi Geibink-Cable:Â My role modelsÂ who are myÂ namesakes, for giving me unconditional love, gender-crisis counseling, and abstinence education.
Eggbert Tiberious Frankfurter Ichabod Goofenstein:Â My fellow bloggers, and for my Papa Poop and Mama Mush who wentÂ to work for the GOP during the NixonÂ AdministrationÂ and left me in a coffee can on my grandparents’ stoop when I was but a wee child, but who also bestowed upon me my delicious wit, intelligent mind, and proud name.
*The photoÂ above is of ourÂ Annual EggBert FamilyÂ & Friend Thanksgiving Day traditional Turkey-Turd SearchÂ in theÂ woodsÂ (after snarfing downÂ 16 pizzas and sucking down 13 kegs of Schlitz beer) as Grampa Grumpy GumptyÂ shows off hisÂ turd (since we couldn’t find any turkeys).
Sincerely, wishing you all a veryÂ thankful and Turkey-Turd rewarded Thanksgiving –
EggBert, family & friends