A couple that recently moved here from Transylvania via California (long story) has come up with an interesting Fast Mexican concept; Zombies and Tacos.

“My wife and I just decided that getting served at most fast casual restaurants in town is like being waited on by Zombies, so we just decided, why not just make it the theme of the restaurant,” says co-owner Victor Count.

Victor does warn you, most orders take between 2 hours to 2 days. “We have one customer that orders his Wednesday lunch on Monday afternoons. He is pretty happy, usually gets it by Friday!”

We wondered how hard it may be to find good zombie (actors) these days to work in the Count’s establishment.

“You know. Not as hard as you may think. Sylvia and I drove around to the different fast food places a day before training started and we were able to round up a full staff within a couple of hours. The trick was catching new recruits by the dumpsters smoking weed . . . those are the real foot draggers!”

Victor did inform me that they also have a pretty good supply of Narcan on hand for employees and customers. “Some places carry Dental and Vision, we carry fricking life support!”

The Counts also plan to be open 24 hours like that ‘other’ Mexican(?) food joint and unlike them, you don’t have to worry about being shot in the drive thru or parking lot.

“Not only is our location well lit we don’t have a lot of people trying to rob us at gun point when our employees are already dead. During the last robbery attempt the perp served half his prison sentence before the manager could even open the safe.”

UPDATE: I was having a serious discussion today about this topic and one city official recommended to me that the council should pass an ordinance that requires ‘interim’ directors to be replaced within 6 months. I suggested we go a step further and require an ethics clause in their employment contracts that they have an outgoing interview with city council in executive session telling them exactly why they either were terminated by the mayor or decided to resign on their own. Taxpayers have invested millions in salaries and programming for these directors and at the very least they can tell us why decided the city of Sioux Falls was NOT the right fit for them. The public deserves the right to know why after a couple of years and this kind of investment they decided to leave. Of course we KNOW the short answer, but for once it would be nice to get the long answer . . . you know . . . that whole open government thingy the Sioux Falls City Hall seems to be immune to.

Some have been wondering if it is just pure coincidence or if city hall has been purposely hiring directors that are not qualified for the position, like the new health director coming from finance.

The administration has admitted they were slow to tell the public about the new initiative but they wanted to wait until they had more positions to announce;

The city is proud to announce that Todd T. Bradd, a former diesel mechanic, will be running the marketing and communications department for the city. Bradd said about the appointment, “I mean it’s one thing to keep a big rig running it can’t be too tough to keep a copier going.” When we inquired about his experience with press releases, etc., Bradd replied, “Not much, but I’m not sure there is anyone left in this town to send them to anyway. Do you have Tid-Bits email?”

Big changes are coming to the city dump. Retired part-time florist, Gladys Anderson-Johnson will be running the facility moving forward. Gladys remarked, “I just think the place could use some freshening up.” Anderson-Johnson says she has big plans to start a community garden, walking trails and eventually an indoor pool at the dump, “Since our current indoor pool is such a dump I figured why not just build an indoor pool at the dump and no one will notice. Who can beat an indoor pool heated by methane and wood chips!”

And just when you thought the changes were minimal comes Ms. Pessky. Ms. Patricia Pessky taught 5th grade social studies for 77 years in the school district now she will run the street department. Pessky gleefully exclaimed about her appointment, “I remember when it used to take 36 days to clean up after a snow event in Sioux Falls, of course, that was when the churches would gather up volunteers to scoop out the town and make it into a real Christian learning experience. I think that is what is missing in our street department, some good old fashioned Jesus. We were the original Jesus Snowplows!” Pessky proudly displays a bumpersticker on her Ford Focus that says; WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ 1ST AMENDMENT!

The Parks Department’s newest director may lack experience but her brilliant smile and go get em’ attitude will move the department in the right direction. Jordan Taylor-Hannah Spirit Smith will take the helm of one of the largest parks department in the country. Overwhelmed by the appointment all Smith had to say was, “I love flowers, especially when butterflies land on them.” Then she texted her manager at Starbucks her two week notice.

In their final announcement, big changes at the Public Works department, Cuddy McCalister, former volunteer honey-do-handyman for the widowers at his church will be offering his talents to run the city’s largest department. “You know, I retired in 87′ after a long career in pork bellies and lead paint awareness and I just thought it was time to give back, and they are paying me in kolaches and kuchen so not much different then my current employment.”

The South Dakota Border Iowa casino will be offering sports bets on how long these new directors last.

*Correction, Ms. Pessky taught for 87 years NOT 77. We apologize for the error.


Don’t take my word for it, just listen to this audio (by the South Dakota Department of Propaganda).

As rumors have been swirling about whether the former mayor will run for that position again in 2024 it seems the current mayor is busy re-instating his former administrators.

“It’s not just the lead city attorney, by the time he is sworn back in office, he will be fully staffed with with several of his former directors and administrators,” said the current mayor.

I guess I was a little curious how he knew he was even running again and that he would win.

“C’mon Man! Don’t you think it would be a little frustrating for newly elected Mayor Stehly to charge forward with her new administration using his staff? We are just eliminating the guess work for voters. If you re-elect him instead it will be a smooth transition as most if not all of his former staff will already be in place.”

The current mayor also mentioned he will be re-instating some other folks soon, but the list seemed incomplete;

The Former Police Chief, What’s His Name, the guy who hands out free food now.

The former Fire Chief, as soon as his probation is done of course.

That former planning or parking guy, you know the guy who quit city council because he got his butt kicked in the mayoral election and was instrumental in screwing up the Bunker Ramp project before it was the Bunker Ramp project.

Oh and that other guy who helped him screw up the project before it was a project. He used to hang out at the Copper Lounge a lot.

And the communications person who said bloggers were not a part of the media, or were they a part of the media? She should really warn people about mayors in large trucks trying to run over people in swimming pool parking lots.

And really anyone even with a partial knowledge of IT to run IT, or is it the Financial Cultural Street Crimes Wellness department that needs a new director?

He also mentioned he may bring back some councilors;

NO former councilors that like bees and flowers

Maybe that guy who uses steak bones as gavels and doesn’t like hats. He was good at passing bad ordinances.

Maybe the lady that made sure we are getting another packing plant in town, even though we aren’t now.

The current mayor also suggested that they move the city council meetings to Monk’s Ale House since it would be easier for council to get questions from directors answered.

No matter who may be running for the next mayor, it seems they will have a full and capable staff to guide them if elected.

This piece was satire.