South DaCola

Editorial Cartoonist from South Dakota

Parody

Event Center Humor Parody

Garth Brooks buys Events Center

l3wis 21Comments

It really came down to Mr. Brooks running the numbers, according to his management,

“Hey, make no mistake, we were going to make an a**load of money from doing our 27 shows in Sioux Falls. We even had to charter a private jet to haul all of the cash OUT OF SIOUX FALLS. We just figured it would be more economical for us to buy the Events Center.”

While most of the year Brooks shows will be booked at the EC, think Celine Dion, Vegas Show, they will do other shows, like monster trucks and rodeos, but they will also do country, country and country shows.

While Brooks won’t live in Sioux Falls permanently, he did purchase a very nice residence on the South Side.

“Garth got a Hell of a deal on a home by the Walmart on 85th and Minnesota. He loved how the Walmart sign illuminated his driveway at night.”

We asked what Brooks would do about the bent up siding on the EC. Management had a positive twist on that.

Besides getting a $1 million dollar discount on the purchase price due to the whacked siding job, it was actually a selling point.

“Garth liked how it looked like an old grain bin. Actually we will be adding fake rust streaks and a big auger. We are also going to change the landscaping to a field of corn around the EC.”

We wondered if the secret siding settlement was disclosed during the negotiations.

“Yeah, we saw it, but we won’t be releasing it to the public, they would crap their pants.”

We wondered if City Hall had any comments about the sale, and the mayor released this statement.

“This is a darn good deal for the good folks of Sioux Falls. Not only will we be able to pay off the bonds early on the Events Center, we will still have a great entertainment facility that was pretty much built for country shows anyway. And I will never have to answer questions about the siding anymore.”

We asked if there would be any major changes with Brooks management running the facility.

Besides the bars now will only serve Jack Daniels and Coors Light, all shows will be $75. Whether that is a Brooks show, a rodeo or a State ‘A’ tournament.

We asked if Garth himself had anything to say about the purchase. He did,

“Sorry Denny, there’s a new Sheriff in town.”

A bronze of Brooks is already being minted for the campus of the new Brooks Events Center.

Humor Mike Huether Parody Sioux Falls

Mayor Mike attempts to announce for governor at pet store ribbon cutting*

l3wis 4Comments

Stop Monkeying around, running for Governor is serious business

In case you missed the ribbon cutting this Saturday at a local new pet store on the eastside, the Mayor made an attempt to announce his run for governor at a Chamber ribbon cutting.

Mike showed up in full suit and tie, even in the almost 100 degree heat it didn’t seem to phase him. He quickly started glad handing and telling everyone he had a very important speech to give during the ribbon cutting. The store manager reluctantly said it would be okay for him to say a few words. Shortly before the cutting, Mike was seen in the cat food aisle looking over a 3-ring binder that had ‘Hildebrand Strategies’ on the spine.

He confessed to one of the Chamber diplomats that he was planning to make a big political announcement about running for higher office (we can only assume that would be governor).

After about 30 minutes passed by and it was clear there wouldn’t be many more people coming to the event besides a lady with seven cats and a guy who smelled like kitty litter, the store manager cut the ribbon (forgetting Huether wanted to speak who couldn’t be found anywhere).

After the short presentation a very small crowd gathered around a cake shaped like a dog bone and Mike appeared frantically, sweating at the brow. He declared, “Is it over?! Is it over?!” The store manager apologized to Mike telling him he thought he may have left. “NO! I wanted to announce I was running for governor at your special event! I stepped out for a moment to your maintenance room to adjust the AC thermostat, it’s hotter than Hell in here.”

The manager apologized again and handed Mike a coupon for 50% off a grooming and said, “Maybe next time.”

*This story is a joke, and parts of the event described did not happen . . . well . . . ‘some’ of it didn’t happen.

Food Humor Parody Sioux Falls

New Sports Bar Menu at Sports Complex doesn’t list prices*

l3wis 12Comments

(Click to enlarge) Priceless menu at Bill’s

South DaCola decided to do a food review of the new sports bar, Bill’s. The new restaurant is a great concept from one of our local hospital’s for-profit divisions.

At first glance when you arrive, it’s your typical memorabilia sports bar with some local flare.

While we found the food to be your normal bar food fare and the service friendly, we wondered why the menu at Bill’s didn’t have any prices listed on menu. So we asked our server, who grabbed a shift manager to answer the question for us.

The shift manager came over and grabbed the menu from us, looked on both sides and said, “Huh? You are right, no prices are listed.” He walked off without explanation and seemed confused. He returned a short time later and said, “I checked our POS computer, and the prices are not listed there either, not sure what to tell you.” I asked if there was someone else he could check with. After waiting about 20 minutes we decided to order anyway, two 16 oz fizzy American tap beers and two bacon cheeseburgers with fries. We were about to finish up our meal when the shift manager returned with a phone number scribbled on a piece of paper and told us if we call this number they could give us the pricing. Since my guest and I have never experienced such a strange thing before, we decided to call. It was about 5:43 PM in the afternoon when we called. I got voicemail that said, “Thank you for calling Bill’s price coding office. Regular business hours are 9 AM to 4 PM, Monday-Thursday. If you need immediate menu pricing please dial ‘0’.” I tried that several times, and all I got was a recorded message that said, “Thank You for calling Bill’s, have a nice day.” and the phone disconnected.

I waved down the shift manager one more time and told him what happened and he responded. “That’s to bad.” and walked off.

We asked for our bill figuring we would finally get the pricing with a receipt. The tab arrived with a Bill’s header on it and a line that said amount due; $172.57. I asked our waitress if there might have been a mistake and she checked her POS and told me everything was rang in correctly, then gave me a phone number to call for customer complaints and coupon for free onion rings on our next visit.

I didn’t bother calling. Anyone want my coupon?

*This article was a parody. There is NO sports bar in Sioux Falls called ‘Bill’s’. It was an attempt to make light of the fact that most hospitals won’t show patients a price list of procedures that are usually overpriced.

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