Parody

South Dakota Legislators look to limit Med MJ

l3wis January 27, 2022 7Comments

Detroit Lewis for Pierre BTT News

While 70% of South Dakota voters approved Medical Marijuana in November of 2020 and the state has worked for over a year to implement rules statewide along with local jurisdictions it hasn’t stopped some legislators from trying to limit it more.

“Initiatives? What are those?” asked Rep Jon Hansjob

I explained to him that petitioners travel across the state to gather thousands of voters signatures just to hopefully have the opportunity to put their initiative on the ballot and if it is able to receive the majority of votes from even thousands more of constituents it becomes law.

Hansjob responded, “What are constituents?”

After another long explanation to him, he replies, “The only laws that count are written by God and the SD GOP Legislative delegation . . . oh, and ALEC.”

I realized I was getting nowhere with Rep Hansjob as he begin to mutter something about bathrooms and started chasing some teenager in a rainbow colored wig while yelling at them ‘TERRORIST’.

I decided to see if I could track down the sponsor of most of these repeal bills, Rep Ted Doutche. I was hoping he would SPILL his guts to me so I could CLEANSE myself of my curiosities about the repeal bills.

While looking for Doutche I ran into Democratic Rep Austin Healey suddenly emerging from a mop closet to ask her what she thought about the MJ repeal bills. She replied, “What was your question about abortion and trans athletes?” Before I could repeat the question, she said, “I think it is perfectly fine for female trans athletes to use Medical MJ while they are pregnant, especially if they are seeking an abortion.”

Before I could ask her how any of that was even biologically possible she returned to the mop closet telling me, “Sorry, I have to return to the caucus meeting.” I asked if I could attend as a member of the press and she said, “While there is plenty of room for you, I would have to deny your request since Rep Lynn Doobage doesn’t like reporters breathing on her. And don’t look her in the eyes, that’s dangerous.”

I finally found Doutche guarding the door of the women’s bathroom with a AR-15. I asked him if any constituents asked him to repeal Med MJ after 70% of voters passed the initiative. Doutche responds, “When you say constituents you mean out of state lobbyists from the Big Pharma? Correct?”

I was going to ask him what voters were but I didn’t want to go down the same path as I did with Hansjob. I asked him, “Besides the lobbyists, what has possessed you to write these authoritarian bills that clearly violates what the voters asked for?” Doutche responds, “Let me fill you in on a little secret. While most reps here will tell you they are inspired by the Bible, Trump, FOX News or Noem, it’s really the circus music playing in our heads that guide us.”